blog, blogging, life, mental health, writer, writing


Upon my right wrist used to live a rubberband…

This rubberband’s daily mission was to snap a sharp sting that would shoot up from my vein all the way up to my brain…

That sharp sting would annihilate the current toxic thought of wanting to murder my name…

All through high school this rubberband fought tirelessly to save my existence…

Today, that rubberband has been replaced by this life line embedded underneath this scarred skin. This ink’s purpose is that of a promise made to another human that I would never again attempt to take my own life…

Upon my right arm lives the memory of a rubberband.

Neon Gravestones try to call for my bones… -Twenty One Pilots

blog, blogging, creativewriting, culture, food, life, writing

Cinnamon Sugar Toast

Saturday afternoon…sitting at the table rewriting/ editing a few pieces from my current project and watching Triple X, my stomach suggests that I take a small break to grab a snack. While my eyes peruse every option on each shelve of the fridge, I pause my glance at the loaf of brioche bread and decide to make a couple of pieces of toast. I’m not sure why, but it just sounded so good.

Lightly toasted and buttered, I begin the process of selecting what to smear on this deliciously toasted treat. Cream cheese & strawberry jam…? PB & honey…?

Then out of the blue, my taste buds shifted into nostalgia mode…Cinnamon and Sugar.

As a kid, my Mom would sprinkle my toast with a mixture of cinnamon and sugar. It was that perfect little accompaniment to my scrambled eggs and fruit. Add a glass of juice and voila. This was one of my favorite breakfasts growing up (besides my Mom’s killer baked French toast).

So, I grabbed the container of sugar along with the jar of cinnamon and conjured up a perfectly balanced ratio of sweetness. Now, I am not one who likes a “punch you in the mouth” treat so I didn’t make it rain cinnamon sugar, I made it sprinkle.

That first bite…dude, let me tell you…crunchy buttery cinnamony sugary goodness… *yeah, I get a little excited about food lol*

For a moment I was 7 years old again….

Back to reality.

Ok, laptop…check, iced coffee…check, deliciousness on a plate…check, Vin Diesel kickin’ ass and blowin’ shit up…check.

Yep, this is my kinda Saturday afternoon.

You have a bazooka! Dude, stop thinking Prague Police and start thinking Playstation. Blow shit up! -Xander Cage

blog, blogger, blogging, life, writer, writing

Life’s No Fun Without a Good Scare

If you were to ask me what my favorite childhood movie is my answer would be The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Not just because of the fact that it’s an awesome movie or because it was created by the legendary Tim Burton, but because I resonate with the main pumpkin king himself, Jack Skellington.

Even though Jack was the man, the king of Halloween, he felt like something was missing, like there was something more to life. He felt as though he didn’t fully belong in Halloweentown, he needed to find himself, he needed to venture out. Thus the insanity that spiraled out with the kidnapping of Sandy Claws and Oogie Boogie causing chaos with the help of Lock, Shock and Barrel.

In the end of the Christmas madness, Jack realized that while his intrigue was ignited by all the magic of Christmas, he was the best pumpkin king there was. He always belonged in Halloweentown amongst The Mayor, Sally and his adorable ghostly dog Zero. By venturing out he found himself.

I lost myself and had to become someone I wasn’t in order to truly find myself.

I love my family, my friends, I love my life and have found a contentment within myself I didn’t think I’d ever find.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched The Nightmare Before Christmas, but I can tell you that I watch it every year during Halloween and Christmas.

My favorite song from the soundtrack is What’s This? And the rendition done by Fall Out Boy is insane. Go give it a listen.

blog, life, love, movies, music, relationships, Uncategorized, writer, writing

Detox just to Retox

12;17am… the major rain storm has officially rolled in, the sound of Spring’s downpour carries a calming effect that my eyes fall in love with every time. No ambient sounds are buzzing during this midnight hour. The storm caused all of the crickets to silence their songs. The storm has hushed nature’s night life.

12:24am… the headphones have been placed atop my sleepless head, Spotify opens and the 5 minutes playlist has been selected. Certain songs are being skipped over for they have a way of pulling at my heart strings while releasing a small stream of stubborn tears. Tonight my ear drums won’t be soaking in Space Bound by Eminem or Unsteady by X-Ambassadors. Those memories will not resurface tonight. Instead they will detox to Believer by Imagine Dragons and then retox to Church by Fall Out Boy.

If you were church I’d get on my knees, confess my love, I’d know where to be… -FOB

12:57…these buzzing thoughts in my mind are beginning to softly overbare their noise against these therapeutic lyrics, so now the pen and notebook make their debut. My mind won’t let go of these x’s and o’s thoughts. These thoughts detox with the image of Jamie’s infamous speech at the end of Love and Other Drugs, hopeful words that cause this distracting dream of one day finding a guy who will see me for me, someone who will notice my heart, my soul, someone who’ll look past my outer shell. Then within a single breath my mind will retox back to reality with the aid of the heartbreaking scene from Wonder when Auggi tearfully asks his mom, “When will the staring and hurtful comments stop? Is anyone ever going to see me for me?”. Questions I used to constantly ask my young self, questions my grown self sometimes loses sleep over. PS. Love and Other Drugs, Wonder and Collateral Beauty…all movies I have to watch by myself because they make me cry. Every time.

1:27am… all of this detoxification and reroxification has somehow made me hungry… coffee ice cream it is .

1:31am… Hold Me Tight or Don’t begins to play and my heart begins to retox once again.

blog, creative writing, culture, death, life, movies, technology, Uncategorized

Ticking Time Bomb

If science advancements were able to pin point the exact moment that you would die, would you want to know?

This thought popped into my head while watching “In Time”, a movie based on the theory of paying for life’s materials with our alotted time instead of currency. Future payment exchanges with the hours, minutes and seconds of one’s life. Your life’s clock digitally stamped on your wrist, visible 24/7. Countries populated with ticking time bombs. I guess it would definitely make the shop-aholics of the world think twice before swiping, especially if your not born of rich blood.

Damn, to constantly watch the seconds of your life tick away every time your flesh barcode is scanned, literally.

Back to my original thought bubble… would you want to know the exact moment that your last breath would exhale from your chest. The exact second that your red stained ticker would tick it’s last tock.. I know, it’s a heavy and deep thought to ponder at 11:30 at night. Personally, I wouldn’t want to know because I know myself and 100% of my attention would be solely presented on my life’s countdown clock. Resting in peace would be the only thought that all of my concentration would be awarded to. I have too many dreams that I’m in the process of breathing life into. I have too many unthought of ideas to create. I am too preoccupied with engraving my mark on this spinning sphere that I reside on. Being born with a rare genetic disorder implants death’s essence in my mind enough as it is. Grim reaper’s shadow has been filed in the back allies of my over crowded mind so that I can live life fearlessly. These hazel eyes of mine would be glued to Big Ben otherwise.

I’m sure some Curious Georges out there would be checking “yes” on their ballets, but this curious little monkey checks “no”. I am curious though, what box would all of you out there in the big bad world check?


blog, dreams, entertainment, life's thoughts, movies, people, spies, technology

Manners Maketh Man

Who out there saw the movie Kingsman?? I’m sure that you’ll agree with me that it was 100% pure AWESOME!! First off, any movie starring Colin Firth is a film to see. Second, any spy movie is a must see…. from the brilliant toys (weaponry) to the classy yet stylish attire (that is bullet proof so your ass won’t get blown to pieces) to the adrenaline rush lifestyle of saving humanity from the evil villains of the world (traveling the world in a spy jet installed with the latest tech… nothing bad there) Plus, the hero always gets a kiss for rescuing mankind (I wouldn’t mind a smooch from a sexy guy after saving his life 😉 )… there is nothing more exciting than a secret spy flick.

Along with all the awesome spy action and great cast, Kingsman has an interesting plot that will twist those cogs in your mind. Can someone actually mess with our inner emotions from a tiny chip…I’m thinking yes. Call me crazy if you like, but technology runs our daily lives. We allow our shiny toys to take over. Whether its work related, pics taken to record a vacation or family get together or just casual use to entertain ourselves with games, music and movies… cells and tablets are super glued to our hands. I admit that I have a horrible habit of always being on my cell and tablet, however I’m wishing on the genies lamp that I don’t start running around beating the shit out of the closest person on my radar. And I really would love if my head didn’t explode like the fourth of July. I rather like my head, its quite adorable 😉 (yes, I’m bragging)

It definitely makes one think, no matter what your views and assumptions are on the technology topic.

Becoming inducted into a secret spy organization is a childhood dream…. makes the imagination creative,  more interesting and adventurous..


Until next blog… love Derra ❤