Tea Time

While sipping on a nice hot cup of blueberry cinnamon tea and scrolling through blog posts, I came across these questions originally posted by The Perks of being Different . So I thought I’d answer them. Enjoy 🤓

What scares you?

Anxiety…mainly because I never actually know how intense an attack might get. While I pretty much know what triggers my anxiety and how to even get ahead of an attack sometimes, anxiety is just one monster that has a mind of own.

If you could guarantee living until you’re 100 years old, would you?

No 😜 I’m shooting for a solid 87 years of life. I know that may sound odd, but I’ll be honest with you, when you’re born with a rare disorder you grow up twice as fast. You’re 10 going on 25. I was signing a DNR for my medical file at the age of 16. There are moments where I feel like I’ve lived forever, yet I’m still a young whipersnapper lol.

What would your dream vacation be like?

My dream vacation would be to tour Germany, Norway and Ireland as I’m an adorable mix of German, Norwegian and Irish. I’d also love to visit Australia for a couple of months.

What’s your morning routine?

First things first, get up and pee, that’s a must lol. Then stand in front of the Keurig as it makes my coffee. Take a sip and then make breakfast. After that it’s shower, get dressed, hair & makeup then take a deep breath before taking on the day.

What is your biggest motivation?

At the moment…money.

What is your favorite time of day and why?

The night is my favorite time. Even though this darn insomnia and these crazy dreams steal my slumber, there’s just something so calming about that black midnight sky studded with stars and the soft ambient sounds that only sneak out at night.

When do you write most and why? (day of week, time of day, etc.)

I feel most inspired at night. Guess that’s what happens when you’ve been a night owl your whole life.

What time do you usually go to bed ?

I usually head towards bed around 11pm. After washing my face, brushing my teeth and taking my vitamin, I snuggle under the covers. Now as far as when I actually fall asleep, that’s pretty much a crapshoot.

Are you subscribed to something which seems like a waste of money?

Ummm, probably Hulu. I don’t watch much on there however I got a great bundle deal with Spotify which I use every day so…I keep it.

Are you afraid to speak in front of a group of people?

Yes, terribly. That is probably the biggest trigger that sets off my anxiety. There is a bit of a process I need to go through. I always listen to Lose Yourself by Eminem to get focused.

What food have you been craving the most these days?

I have been craving these short rib empanadas from one of my favorite restaurants, Lunas. They are soooooooooo tasty. 😋

Have you ever gone a day without talking?

I have, but usually because I was at a concert the night before and the next morning my voice is shot lol.

What do you consider your biggest talent?

Making others turn their frowns upside down 😉 and I’ve been told that I’m pretty good at writing.

Beautiful Disaster Blog Feature

I am grateful for the opportunity to be featured on Beautiful Disasters blog. Below is a screenshot of half the story as well as the link if you’d like to check out the full story. I hope you all have a fun and safe weekend. I also hope that everyone is enjoying the holiday season.

Love, D

Beautiful Disaster Blog

If I can live through this, I can do anything… -Fall Out Boy

Zero

Pain, it’s a sneaky little bugger, a form that can morph from physical to mental with a flip of the switch. Each form delivering varying levels of extensivity. While physical pain is temporary, eventually healing leaving a scar behind as proof of its existence…mental pain is much more sticky as it intertwines itself like symbiote through every brainwave and ventricle of one’s heart. This form of toxicity takes longer to extrude, to process through and hopefully finding that sense of piece in order to move forward.

This past year was nothing short of a battle against myself as I fought to regain my sense of contentment that somehow slipped out from my grip. Feeling like a doormat caused that sense of being drug under into the darkness once again. Feeling as though I wasn’t good enough for, well, anything.

Dealing with a toxic publishing house to deleting toxic “friends”. Moments of pure frustration, to the point of tears being shed. Moments of wondering if my next move would contain waving the white flag. Moments of blocking out the world, staying hidden within these hoodies. Lastly, that moment of peering through the looking glass, wiping away any existing fear and walking through my liquid reflection.

Too long I lived amongst my mental scars, it’s time for a redirection as I finally kiss this black rose, lay it upon this seven feet deep grave and leave behind these chains. Rest in peace Past…

In the last couple of months I have moved forward to new, honest opportunities dealing with writing, I have finished my next manuscript and have once again been bitten by inspiration to begin my first endeavor into the fictional world.

I no longer tell myself that I’m too broken, too damaged for love. Far too long I truly believed that love would never give me a chance, that we’d never coinside. While I am still anxious at the thought of history repeating itself, you never know until you try. Once more, one last jump, that’s all I have left in these bones. Here’s hoping…One day.

Pain..it’s a sneaky annoying life lesson..

A beating heart of stone, you gotta be so cold to make it in this world…Yeah, you’re a natural living your life cutthroat… -Imagine Dragons

Uninspired Walking Billboard

I’ve been trying to write this blog for a few days now. Thoughts were jotted down then frustratingly crossed out. The last week of October is EB Awareness week. Seven days where factual posts and personal stories are trending with the attached hashtags. In the past years I have posted blogs(such as I’m Only Human) and videos, I’ve shared medical facts/ statistics along with my personal story.

However, this year I am at a loss as what to write about. The feeling of repetition is screwing with my thoughts. In a sense, I feel as though I am obligated to represent, obligated to post and share. This obligation is somewhat stressful these days, it has taken over who I am. This weight is suffocating…

Yes, I have EB, but it is a low level of intensity and only one part of my life. EB isn’t the defining definition of what my life is or who I am. EB doesn’t own me, yet this life of living as a walking billboard has sucked up any existing inspiration.

Being that billboard is a heavy weight to carry, that obligation extends out to not wanting to let others down by not posting awareness themed posts like the Mad Hatter. See, I don’t want to let anyone down, but if I were to post just to post then that uninspired disconnect would glow vividly within my words. This equation is crushing my internal world.

I’m so sorry that the content of this blog isn’t what you expected or want.

I’m tired of tending to this fire, I’ve used up all I’ve collected, I have singed my hands… -Twenty One Pilots

Category Quit

Nights like this are the best…the breeze is cool and the atmosphere is so quiet that even the tiniest cricket miles away can be heard. It’s the kinda night that calls for a hoodie, a notebook equipped with a pen, headphones injecting inspiring lyrics of pain mixed with triumph and of course an iced coffee.

The perfect scene to get these uninspired thoughts reignited.

Never quit…

No matter how gnarly the storms that have shaken my life, I have never quit. Even in the moments where my bones had smashed, my heart shattered or I had found myself sitting on the brink ready to end it all, something in this universe keeps saving me. Something out there for some reason won’t allow me to quit.

These storms have ranged from small showers to drowning category 5 waves crashed. Some storms left behind simple lessons while some left major lessons attached with a scarred trophy. Battle scars that remind my mind that I’m tougher than I think. Battle scars that remind my heart to keep believing. And battle scars that remind me of the past, that if I was able to survive all of those past storms then I can survive anything.

I’ve tried…believe me, I have tried…but, I can’t quit…

I’ve tried killing my dream of becoming a writer, but I’m addicted to the challenges it brings…I can’t quit.

I’ve tried killing my dream of one day finding love, but then I go and get a permanent reminder to never lose hope embedded on my back…I can’t quit.

I’ve tried killing my dream of one day being a mom, but then I see a mom shopping with her baby at the store and my mind begins to dream all over again…I can’t quit.

There are days where I just want to scream and cry simultaneously and throw in the towel, but then those 5 minutes are up, the shower turns off and life pulls me back in. Which I allow because it turns out that I’m also addicted to life…I can’t quit.

I’m ok with not being able to quit, there are times when its frustrating as hell, but completely worth it.

I do, however, wish that I could quit one thing…I wish the universe would allow me to quit you (not for the reasons you assume though)… This storm rages on…

Tonight though, I’ll push this all aside. Tonight I’ll just simply be in the moment…music, coffee and this night sky.

I’m running out of time, I need a doctor, call me a doctor, to bring me back to life… -Dr. Dre

Side Effects

This reflection was momentarily captured on the other side of this glass, small features have shifted, changes have been made…

The catch light that glows within those hazel eyes has dimmed and now it flickers like the fourth lightbulb…

The beat that vibrates her entire skeletal frame has lost some of its bass, soft almost unnoticeable…

The electric currents that race limitlessly around this luminous cerebral cortex has been having one too many glitches lately, causing frustration and confusion jams…

All of these mishaps equal a young old soul that is becoming weary, side effects of this internal conflict has been tears sneaking out of those dimming eyes…

A cure hasn’t been found…

Like neon inside glass, they form my brain. But, I recently discovered it’s a heatless fire… -Twenty One Pilots