blog, blogger, blogging, life, writer, writing

My Thoughts, Your Ears

If you listen closely enough, you can hear the thoughts spiraling around someone’s mind or heart without them saying a word….

Shhhhh..just listen…

Habits by Machine Gun Kelly

Me, Myself and I by G-Eazy

Let You Down by NF

Running From my Shadow by Mike Shinoda

Home by Machine Gun Kelly

Jumpsuit by Twenty One Pilots

Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons

Sad Song by We The Kings

Hold Me Tight or Don’t by Fall Out Boy

Church by Fall Out Boy

Heaven’s Gate by Fall Out Boy

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Two Little Horns & A California Soul

These warm sand grains trickle down in my minds hourglass as the melody of these foamed capped waves crashing in and out calm my anxious ears…

This vibrantly painted sunset recharges the dim glow flickering within the center of my soul. The neon pinks and oranges capture the distracted attention of my broken Christmas light eyes…

This cooling SoCal summer breeze intertwining with the silhouette of these palm trees washes over my freckled frame, leaving a sense of home that is rarely felt by these German/ Irish bones…

These tiny black marks imprinted in each left corner of this mind, heart and soul slowly pulsates reminding me of the past, these scars, this ink and the O.G. version of who I was…

This warrior heart stitched in gold reminds me of the contentment I’ve earned, of the unknown beauty in every future dream and possibility…

In her heart there’s a hole, there’s a black mark on her soul… -Bryce Fox

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Life’s No Fun Without a Good Scare

If you were to ask me what my favorite childhood movie is my answer would be The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Not just because of the fact that it’s an awesome movie or because it was created by the legendary Tim Burton, but because I resonate with the main pumpkin king himself, Jack Skellington.

Even though Jack was the man, the king of Halloween, he felt like something was missing, like there was something more to life. He felt as though he didn’t fully belong in Halloweentown, he needed to find himself, he needed to venture out. Thus the insanity that spiraled out with the kidnapping of Sandy Claws and Oogie Boogie causing chaos with the help of Lock, Shock and Barrel.

In the end of the Christmas madness, Jack realized that while his intrigue was ignited by all the magic of Christmas, he was the best pumpkin king there was. He always belonged in Halloweentown amongst The Mayor, Sally and his adorable ghostly dog Zero. By venturing out he found himself.

I lost myself and had to become someone I wasn’t in order to truly find myself.

I love my family, my friends, I love my life and have found a contentment within myself I didn’t think I’d ever find.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched The Nightmare Before Christmas, but I can tell you that I watch it every year during Halloween and Christmas.

My favorite song from the soundtrack is What’s This? And the rendition done by Fall Out Boy is insane. Go give it a listen.

blog, blogging, life, writer, writing

Four Years Ago

Four years ago…

Sitting here on the cooling sands, watching the sun kiss the moon goodnight, a fleet of memories and realities slam my mind. As the breeze calls for my hoodie to cover my chilled bones, these tears begin to trickle down my freckled cheeks. The thought of my demise never bothered me, this type of life that was cursed upon me includes death as a forefront thought that never takes a break. Yet here I am, shivering at the thought that death has finally kissed my forehead.

My past flashing by, the memories of birthdays and holidays spiral by. Watergun fights, family Bbq’s, endless beach trips, graduations, family game nights, concerts and hockey games.

Past scars temporarily unstitching themselves causing flashes of surgeries, bullies and dark times that tried to break me and damn near did.

I survived. Everything the world hurled at me and here I am still dancing.

Then my mind shifted to all the future beautiful moments I’m never going to witness.

Sharing my story with others, being their jumpsuits. Turning up the volume in ending the stigma that continues to stifle the suicidal hearts. I had plans…

Is the toxicity of my last relationship going to be what I have to try and consider love?

I’m never going to find true love, to have that day of saying “I do” to my “Jack” in front of our family and close friends…I’ll never have kids, to see them grow up, smile as they wake Christmas morning, to make pancakes with them on weekends, to watch them fall in love with the beach while enjoying an gooey s’more and bonfires. I’ll never get to cheer them on at their sports games, school plays, graduations. I’ll never get to spoil them on their birthdays or hand over those keys when they get their license.

The thought of watching my kids find their soulmates, having families of their own and being the Grandma who gets to spoil her grandkids is fading with every tear. The wish of sitting on the front porch with my partner when we’re 80 years old, sipping tea and remenicsing down memory lane was vastly slipping into the land of the forgotten.

These dreams of mine hung in the balance right beside these decisions I need to sign, seal and deliver.

Do I pull myself back into the world I swore I’d never reenter?

Do I do morph, fight and conquer once again? Do I have enough energy, enough will to do so?

What if this battle isn’t victorious…all the research I’ve done (from dietary changes to vitamins, supplements) what if it fails. Do I cave to professionals or do I punch out (PAS) while I’m still myself?

Every memory played in my mind like the most beautifully intense movie I’ve ever seen.

Every broken dream flickered in my eyes.

……………..

Four years later…turns out this world and I aren’t finished with one another yet…

Perhaps that kiss from death was for good luck in the future…

Everytime I think I’m done, something pulls me back in…

I just wish I knew what that something is because I’d like to say thank you…

I’ll be right there, but you’ll have to grab my throat and lift me in the air…if you need anyone… -Twenty One Pilots

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Dear You | Storyteller Alley

http://www.storytelleralley.com/content/dear-you

Dear You is a collection of letters written to the people and events that have made the most impactful influences in my life. This book started out as a personal series of letters to the people I love. Letters filled with memories and life lessons. I began writing these letters after finding out that I was very sick. As each letter was written, certain events and memories began popping into my mind which inspired more letters. Dear You is my way of sharing an underdog story about a girl who was never meant to live, but did. I’ve survived surgeries, bullies, depression and being suicidal. I’ve seen this world at its brightest and at its darkest. Living with a rare disorder has allowed me to see this crazy thing we call life in a whole different perspective. The main message embedded within Dear You is my message to those out there who feel like giving up, who feel alone or forgotten, those who feel lost…you are worth everything this life has to offer, never ever give up. The book opens and closes with a letter i have addressed to the reader…hence, Dear You.

Author Bio

My name is Derra Sabo, I am a Cali native who stumbled into writing as a way to escape the daily life as the freak born with a rare disorder. That disorder being Epidermolysis Bullosa, or EB for a non tongue twisted pronunciation. I was the kid who was never meant to live past the age of 14 and here I am 33 years young. The best way to describe my life is nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. My family and friends are my everything. My scars and past demons are my inspiration to never give up. While most of my insomnia nights are filled with writing and tunes vibrating through my beats headphones, my days are my time to spend with my squad, cooking, movies, reading, blogging and spending as much time as possible at the beach. I’m the extroverted introvert who loves a good sunset and a caramel macchiato.

Connect with Derra on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon

  • Critic Score:92/100

    Our Review Ranking:

    A Great Read

Our Review

Our Review

Cover:

This cover design does not do this great story the justice it deserves.

Cover design problems:

The background is blurry and is actually a problem for the eye to view easily.

The objects super-imposed in the foreground: a laptop, a tablet and pen, a vase with feathers in it, and a cup of coffee, all look like they were drag and dropped onto the cover from a collection of emojis or computer icons. The size ratio and distance between any and all of them in relation to each other is badly out of proportion. The computer itself actually looks like it’s floating instead of sitting on the desk, that’s made worse by the shadows on the edges of all the items not matching one another.

None of the cover elements reflect any part of the story or the struggle within the pages of this book.

Cover typography is not bad. Size of font for the book title as well as name of author are fine.

Book Blurb:

The blurb for this book is a good introduction to the story inside. It draws interest by speaking of particular events included in the book as well as the promise of helpful advice gained through the experiences of the author.

There is a typo in the last sentence of the book blurb. The “I” should be capitalized.

Formatting :

There are some problems with formatting.

Most of the front matter is in correct order , but the introduction is the first thing the reader sees in the book and it’s not labeled as an ‘Introduction‘.

The “Dear Beach” letter is written as though it is one of the Chapters or “letters” and it is placed before the title page of the book.

There is no Table of Contents included . Since the Chapters or “letters” are each very distinctly labeled sections of the book, it would be good to list them in a table of contents.

Pages are numbered well, beginning with page 11 where chapter one(the first letter entitled “Dear You”) begins.

Some paragraphs are indented, some are not.

Paragraphs and sentences all run together in block form, making the book difficult to read.

There are paragraphs with double space between them when they should be touching.

Grammar & Spelling:

Grammar and spelling in this book runs just passably fair. I found a several errors for grammar and spelling as well as quite a few problems regarding sentence structure, missing words, and missing and/or incorrect puntuation.

Character Development:

To say that character development is a big part of this book would be an understatement! In fact, I would say that this book is predominantly aboutcharacter development.
All of the ‘letters’ in this book from the author to each individual list in great detail the ups and downs of the things they’ve gone through together which have developed their characters in one way or another over time.
It outlines this development of each character including that of the author in a very clear, and detailed way. As the story develops so do it’s characters.

The underlying theme that threads it’s way through this book is one of the main characters’ caring and unswerving devotion to others as well as to herself. It demonstrates a continued growth and change of inner self.

Plot & Structure:

The structure of the book is decent. Throughout most of the book the author is narrating each letter to family members and friends and you read them as an outsider looking in. Further into the book the letters change and actually feel as though they’re written in the presence of the reader, as though this was the final point of the work as a whole.

The plot of the book ,one of struggle and recovery , moves well all the way through without becoming monotonous or repetitive.

Pacing:

Story is paced well all the way through . Each letter shows a new aspect of the family and friends that surround the author. The more you read ,the better understanding you have of where the author is coming from with different comments and outlooks over time. The reasons why certain things are said or done become clear as it progresses.

Use of Language:

The use of language is fair. The book uses the language of the day and is easy to understand . Even the brief and infrequent use of the word “ain’t” is acceptable given the conceptual layout of this book. It speaks the lanugauge of the common man in today’s times.

Originality:

I find no problems with the originality of this book. It reads as a story unique to it’s author while reaching out to those in similar circumstances.
This book provides an interesting look into the mind of a children growing up in the digital age. Conversations between siblings via digital means such as I-pods and music shared via digital devices etc, all reveal an inside look of how kids see the world in the time they’ve been born into.
It also provides a look at someone dealing with many troubles at a very young age and overcoming them to live a good life.

Overall Readability:

Overall , I can say I enjoyed reading this book. In spite of the writing problems it had, my interest in the storyline kept me turning pages to see what was next.

A Note From the Critic:

I enjoyed reading this book and I wasn’t sure I would when I started it. It turned out to be a well written story related in a very personable way that is friendly to the reader. I believe it will do what the author intended and be a help to others that are going through similar difficulties in life and I can recommend it as good in that regard.
Toward the end of the book, in the letter entitled “Dear World” the authors remembrance of Nine-Eleven is a touching tribute to the strength of our nation and it’s people on a very dark day that forever changed the way we see the world.
There are quite a few problems inside as far as errors in grammar and formatting, as well as the occasional typo,bad sentence structure or spelling mistake . This surprises me as I see on the title page that it has been published with a traditional publishing house and I expected they would have a round of proofreading for each book they put out. It could use just a little polishing, but it is overall a great read and I am happy to have read it!

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Plasma…Ink…Metal…Beach

Weird title for a blog, I know. The past couple of months have been the very definition of stressful. So much so that a few nights ago I found myself sitting on the edge of the bathtub, hand over my mouth as tears raced down my face. I have this unbreakable tendency to hold too many thoughts deep inside instead of talking it out. It’s not that I don’t have anyone to share my thoughts with, it’s simply the fact that this bad habit built from my past is hard as hell to brake. The progress is flowing in the “opening up” department, however, it’s still under construction.

Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind…-TØP

Moments of happiness is when my doubts tend to creep in, these moments of watching my goals and dreams come to life are somewhat of a new aspect, so I suppose that these moments of happiness kinda scare me. Part of me is in complete control while another part of me is wondering what’s going on. With every accomplishment, there are setbacks. With every setback, I figure it out and keep moving forward. The stress of beginning success has kept my freezer stocked with ice cream and kept my mind up from midnight to sunrise.

I found no cure for the loneliness, I found no cure for the sickness. Nothing here feels like home, crowded streets but I’m all alone… – MGK

A reprieve was much needed, so my best friend being the awesome human that she is planned a day where we went off of the grid. This day began at Starbucks for that morning latte along with a croissant. Then it was off to her shop where she embedded the second to last piece of my tattoo journey (nothing like a little ink therapy). From there we grabbed some lunch, then headed down to the beach. Sand and ocean, the only place where my mind feels free, the only place that remotely feels like home. The perfect ending to the perfect day was dinner on the beach at sunset.

Those twelve hours were just what we both needed, on the drive home we both were ready for life to hit the next day.

Career inching off of the ground…check.

Finally feeling whole again….check.

Breathing life into all dreams…almost check.

While my heart sports a few cracks and is kept together with a few stitches…it continues to beat on. It may not be whole, it may not be the most beautiful shape, but it’s a warrior. I am proud of how far it has come.

My only wish is that should I ever cross paths with my last missing piece, that he accepts my heart. Plasma, ink, metal and all.

These black light words will eternally reside on my flesh, seeping down into the bottom left corner of my pulsating brain. iDerra is who I am, it’s who you young Frankensteins created. A human heart with a mechanical mind, wires and veins intertwining inside a titanium boned frame disguised with German/ Irish freckled flesh. I wasn’t always half robotics, once upon a time ago I resided in the mortal world. But, as the years aged my young innocence, societal attacks that I was unprepared for exploded. Two choices stood before my torched self, exhale one last carbon breath or deeply inhale a puff of chilled oxygen and stand up. The first option felt calming, yet an unknown source within forced the latter.

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Dear You: Digital Book Girl Blog Post

Original post from Digital Book Girl

Dear YouDear You is a lovely invitation into Derra Nicole Sabo’s world.

A wonderful opportunity borne out of a complex and challenging experience, to recall the good times with loved ones, the chance to express the rarely spoken profound specifics of what binds friends and family together.

This is a heart-warming collection of letters to loved ones that explores the wonder, frailty and extraordinary qualities of friendship, family, love and life.

Amazon Review: This is a beautifully written, honest, and encouraging book! One of the things that I love most about this book is the style in which it was written. Each chapter is written in the form of a letter to the author’s friends and family and that makes the experience more personal and realistic. It sucked me in from the first page and I felt every emotion imaginable while reading it! It’s underlying message is full of empathy and hope and I’d recommend this to anyone! – Brandi Myers

Available now at these fine retailers:

Amazon | Barnes & Noble