A human heart ♥ with a mechanical mind 👽
World: “Ok, what song are we contemplating today?”
Me: “Well, since you asked… today we are contemplating Nico and The Niners.”
World: “Hmmm, sounds interesting. Go ahead and play it.”
Me: “Go ahead and play it…. what do you think I’ve been playing all day long? Seriously…do you know me at all? C’mon dude.”
World: “I’m sor….”
Me: “Nope.”
World: “Insulted…?”
Me: “Yep 😝”
My jumpsuit is on steady…I’m lighter when I’m lower, I’m higher when I’m heavy…East is up.. -Twenty Øne Piløts
World: “Are you going to be playing Jumpsuit on a loop all day long?”
Me: “The fact that you’re even asking me that question shows how little you know me.”
World: “I’m sorrry… ”
Me: “Nope, you’ve already insulted me..” 😝🖤💛🖤
Spirits in my room, friend or foe? Felt it in my youth, feel it when I’m old… -Twenty Øne Piløts
These thoughts are drifting at 180 mph throughout the curves if my cerebral. My glance is momentarily caught by the lavender almond oil that my diffuser has misted into the atmosphere. So many thoughts I’d like to share, yet where to start boggles my racing mind. So, I’ll simply leave you with this…
Goodnight…Sweet dreams…🖤
Choices…
That word above is one that we practice on a daily basis. Life is strung together by the series of choices we make, each one altering the direction we take on our paths.
You…
You are in charge of every choice you make, you are the only one who chooses what pebble will create your life’s ripple.
I…
I have made both positive and negative choices throughout my life thus far, each shifting the effect of every ripple. The most important and impactful choice I have ever made was to never allow others actions towards me taint my feelings towards the world. Tainted emotions equals vengeful behavior. As someone who was bullied throughout school, as someone who was dealt a somewhat difficult situation in life, I could have easily chosen to allow the anger and hurt that was a constant during that time to poison my outlook and actions towards society. I could’ve easily taken my past and morphed it into an infinite excuse in order to disrespect and pull everyone into a bitter pity party.
But, I don’t.
Why…
Because I know first hand what it feels like to be mistreated, how it eats at your brain causing your confidence and self-esteem to diminish. I know how quickly the hurt, the depression, the worthlessness and the tear filled pain fills into every nook and cranny of your body.
I wouldn’t place nor wish that upon anyone, not even my worst enemy.
I know how just the mere thought of revenge can suck up your time, your energy. How it becomes this black toxic that invades your veins, you’ve become Peter Parker in SpiderMan 2.
Having that amount of pain residing within my bones nearly snuffed out my life candle. Never again do I want to feel that shitty.
I choose to find the silver lining, the be a better version of myself, to ignore the arrogance of my peers. I choose which battles are worth fighting, I carefully select which pebble I toss to create that ripple.
No matter what curveballs are thrown at you…No matter how many incomplete passes you encounter and No matter how many humans throw a dirty punch at you in attempts to knock you down, you have a choice as to how you react. You choose what type of energy you place towards others, towards the world.
You have a choice…
So what’s it going to be…?
Second things second don’tcha tell me what you think that I should be, I’m the one at the sail, I’m the master of my sea… -Imagine Dragons
I wish I could give you the entire world and everything in it…
I wish I could give you an unblemished body, but unfortunately scars have embedded themselves sporadically amongst my freckles and ink…
I wish I could present you with a perfect heart, however a few pieces have gone m.i.a. from relationships past.
I wish you could look into my eyes and not witness the pain that is swirled into them, but like Imagine Dragons warns, “when you feel my heat look into my eye, it’s where my demons hide…”…
I wish I could say that my mind’s image mirrors that of a Disneyland map, but it mirrors more like Halloweentown where dark alleys are tunneled underneath the intelligence and intrigue…
I wish I could tell you that I don’t come equipped with walls that need to be broken down, but I’d be lying…
I wish I could say that my closet is bone free, but open the left door and you’ll see my skeletons neatly organized…
However…
Even storms have rainbows.
This body may be scarred, but it has been through hell and back on more than one occasion, and it still stands strong.
This heart may bare stitches, but it is 100% authentic. This ticker beats hard and loves hard.
These hazel spheres may house a smidge of darkness, but their Christmas lights are beautifully blinding.
This mind may be a second cousin to Pandora, but it sparks with creativity, wit, humor, a dash of sarcasm and a touch of intellectual satisfaction.
These walls are titanium strength, but with a little patience and trust they will eventually collapse like the Great Wall.
And as for those skeletons, well, who doesn’t have a few of those. Coincidentally they’re great as Halloween decor.
I’m not perfect…I’m not always going to say the right words…I will mess up from time to time…but, I will always try…I will always apologize…I will always ride every storm out with you. Every piece that’s left of me I’ll give to you and more importantly, I promise to love you flaws and all.
Without you I feel broke like I’m half of a whole, without you I’ve got no hand to hold, without you I feel torn like a sail in a storm…Without you I’m just a sad song… -We the Kings
When in deep doubt, sit…read…listen…
A cool 66* summer breeze…Jet Pack Blues playing on a loud loop in my Beats by Dre…a smooth oreo mint shake slowly placing my stomach into a coma with every sip…a single star shinning a bit brighter than the others catches my irises…my mind praying a silent pray upon it…
I don’t know what you’re doing at this very moment, perhaps you’re gazing up at the same sky as I am and then again perhaps you’re not. In any case, you know what I wish…
I wish you could hear what my mind continually thinks when it ponders about you…
I wish you feel what my heart feels as it beats these Morse coded lyrics…
I wish our souls were mates meant to be, however, I fear that this is one-sided. I once read that not every soul has a match, they may be yours, but you’re not theirs. I often wonder if this is true…
I wish you were here sitting next to me, that we could become lost in conversation up into the sun rising. Talking about everything and nothing…
While my heart and veins tell me to keep hope alive that one day we will meet, my mind tells me to stop making wishes on far away stars…
She’s singing “baby come home” in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time…-Fall Out Boy
