Yes, I’m Stubborn

World: “Mmm, what smells so good?”

Me: “Oh, I made Greek chicken with rice, want some?.”

World: “Please and thank you. So, while you serve up that deliciousness let’s talk..”

Me: “About….?”

World: “You know what. While you’re focusing on your career, you’re continuing to avoid the fact that this lone wolf life you’ve chosen to live these last few years is silently killing your heart.”

Me: “Yeah well, my heart doesn’t always know what’s best for it, so I have to continue to protect it.”

World: “Firstly, your heart always knows what’s best, you just keep shutting it up. And what about your dreams, still ignoring them..?”

Me: “Agree to disagree on that and yes, they’re just dreams. They don’t mean anything.”

World: “Stubborn much..”

Me: “Dude, it’s been a long day, I really just want to eat and relax tonight. What do you want from me?”

World: “I want you to admit that you’re scared to put your heart out there. I want you to admit that you believe in true love. I want you to take a leap of faith and pay attention to your dreams and I want you to please write down the recipe for this chicken!”

Me: “No….No….No…and sure, I’ll jot down the recipe for you.”

World: “You’re stubbornness is astounding. I can’t wait to give you the “I told you” speech when love smashes into your life.”

Me: “Mhmmmm, sure. I look forward to your lovely speech.”

World: “So, what are we watching tonight?”

Me: “A Million Little Things.”

World: “I love that show! Wait…you’re watching a make you feel all the feels show…”

Me: “Shut up…”

the universe an empty place without you… -Blink 182

Pretty Odd

Grab a bowl of ice cream and let’s do this!! 😁

1. Do you like Bleu Cheese: Yes I do.

2. What is your favorite ice Cream: Coffee ice cream (Haagen Dazs is a good brand).

3. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Always, you’d think I wouldn’t get nervous, but I do.

4. What do you think of hot dogs? I like a grilled all beef hot dog every now and then. And NO, a hot dog isn’t a sandwich. Don’t argue with me 🙃

5. Favorite Christmas movie? Home Alone and I still love watching It’s Christmas Charlie Brown.

6. What do you prefer to drink? Coffee, Dr. Pepper and Watermelon Hint water.

7. Do you do pushups? Yes I can.

8. Favorite hobby? Cooking, reading, drawing and listening to music.

9. One flawish quality you have.? I’m a bit OCD with certain things in life lol.

10. What’s the one thing you hate? Those who are dishonest and those who railroad others.

11. Middle name? Nicole

12. Name three thoughts at the moment:
1) This episode of NCIS is making me feel the feels.
2) I think I’ll make Greek Chicken for dinner tomorrow.
3) That this year went by way too quick, but I’m ready for the new year and new opportunities.

13. If you could be anything you wanted what would you be? An inspiring voice that will boom on for generations to come.

14. Current worry right now? Finances at the moment.

15. Current hate right now? The amount of hate currently in this world.

16. Favorite place to be? With my family and the beach.

17. How do you ring in the New Year? With friends and family.

18. Where would you like to go? Australia, Germany, Ireland and China (during the blooming cherry blossom trees).

19. Do you own slippers? Yes, they’re llama slippers.

20. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Black and white.

21. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No, too slippery lol. I like cotton sheets.

22. Can you whistle? Well, kinda. It’s a sad whistle lol.

23. Favorite color? Black and Purple.

24. Would you be a pirate? Hmmm, maybe. I could channel my inner Jack Sparrow.

25. What songs do you sing in the shower? Depends on my mood.

26. Favorite girls name? Rylee, Bella and Payton.

27. Favorite boys name? Reese, Jameson and Riley

28. What keeps you up at night? A mind that doesn’t know how to shut up.

29. Favorite means of travel? Car, train and plane.

30. What do you have as your background on your phone? A coffee cup with Christmas lights strung around it.

31. What’s in your pocket right now? Earbuds.

32. Last thing that made you laugh? An episode of big bang theory.

33. Best toy as a child? My drum kit.

34. Worst injury? Physically, falling out of a tree house and busting up my left foot. Emotionally, a broken heart. Mentally, the two times I attempted suicide.

35. Where would you love to live? Anywhere there is sand and ocean.

36. How many TV’s do you have in your house? 1

37: Right this second name a friend that’s on your mind? Brandi, my sister from another mister.

38. How many dogs do you have? None right now.

39. Does someone trust you? I hope so..

40. What book are you reading at the moment? Rereading Gray by Pete Wentz and You by Chris Nicholas.

41. What’s your favorite candy ? Reese’s

42. What’s your sports team? LA Kings and NY Giants baby!!

43. What song do you want played at your funeral? Firstly, I will be cremated and my family will throw a beach party, no funeral. The song, Can’t Hold Us by Macklemore.

Neon Shades

Writing by the glow of Christmas lights gleaming from the tree, these once again inspired thoughts are streaming while my ears are entertained by Spotify’s Christmas playlist. The caffeine from this iced macchiato keeps the frame of my mental focus level as I type away, placing a few new pieces on this current project before sealing it off (like Mr. King said, a book is never complete.).

Too much time has passed with that uninspired cloud looming over my head, too much pain has resided in my chest from that anxiety filled gremlin. For the first time in weeks my lungs can actually breathe easily, my cerebral is beginning to see the neon shades splattered within this world again.

As inspired and focused as my mind is, this stubborn heart won’t let go of your handsome image. Out of blue your name rings in my eardrums as your face conjures itself in my mind, temporarily interrupting my train of thought. All from the next song Spotify chose to play. A smile sneaks it’s way onto my face, this happens anytime I think of you, anytime you pop into my dreams.

I still am not able to figure out why this happens, I’m still not able to tell you any of this. So, I write about it. I don’t know if your eyes ever come across these blogs of mine and if they do I don’t even know if you’d know that they’re about you. All I can say for sure is that I’ll remain living in the unknown.

Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you… -Michael Bublé

Tea Time

While sipping on a nice hot cup of blueberry cinnamon tea and scrolling through blog posts, I came across these questions originally posted by The Perks of being Different . So I thought I’d answer them. Enjoy 🤓

What scares you?

Anxiety…mainly because I never actually know how intense an attack might get. While I pretty much know what triggers my anxiety and how to even get ahead of an attack sometimes, anxiety is just one monster that has a mind of own.

If you could guarantee living until you’re 100 years old, would you?

No 😜 I’m shooting for a solid 87 years of life. I know that may sound odd, but I’ll be honest with you, when you’re born with a rare disorder you grow up twice as fast. You’re 10 going on 25. I was signing a DNR for my medical file at the age of 16. There are moments where I feel like I’ve lived forever, yet I’m still a young whipersnapper lol.

What would your dream vacation be like?

My dream vacation would be to tour Germany, Norway and Ireland as I’m an adorable mix of German, Norwegian and Irish. I’d also love to visit Australia for a couple of months.

What’s your morning routine?

First things first, get up and pee, that’s a must lol. Then stand in front of the Keurig as it makes my coffee. Take a sip and then make breakfast. After that it’s shower, get dressed, hair & makeup then take a deep breath before taking on the day.

What is your biggest motivation?

At the moment…money.

What is your favorite time of day and why?

The night is my favorite time. Even though this darn insomnia and these crazy dreams steal my slumber, there’s just something so calming about that black midnight sky studded with stars and the soft ambient sounds that only sneak out at night.

When do you write most and why? (day of week, time of day, etc.)

I feel most inspired at night. Guess that’s what happens when you’ve been a night owl your whole life.

What time do you usually go to bed ?

I usually head towards bed around 11pm. After washing my face, brushing my teeth and taking my vitamin, I snuggle under the covers. Now as far as when I actually fall asleep, that’s pretty much a crapshoot.

Are you subscribed to something which seems like a waste of money?

Ummm, probably Hulu. I don’t watch much on there however I got a great bundle deal with Spotify which I use every day so…I keep it.

Are you afraid to speak in front of a group of people?

Yes, terribly. That is probably the biggest trigger that sets off my anxiety. There is a bit of a process I need to go through. I always listen to Lose Yourself by Eminem to get focused.

What food have you been craving the most these days?

I have been craving these short rib empanadas from one of my favorite restaurants, Lunas. They are soooooooooo tasty. 😋

Have you ever gone a day without talking?

I have, but usually because I was at a concert the night before and the next morning my voice is shot lol.

What do you consider your biggest talent?

Making others turn their frowns upside down 😉 and I’ve been told that I’m pretty good at writing.

Beautiful Disaster Blog Feature

I am grateful for the opportunity to be featured on Beautiful Disasters blog. Below is a screenshot of half the story as well as the link if you’d like to check out the full story. I hope you all have a fun and safe weekend. I also hope that everyone is enjoying the holiday season.

Love, D

Beautiful Disaster Blog

If I can live through this, I can do anything… -Fall Out Boy

Just Hold On

Dear D,

Ok girl, it’s the future you writing this letter…

Look, I know that this past year has been a rollercoaster ride and you’ve had many moments where you’ve questioned yourself. I also know that your doubts have recently been ganging up on your mind. So, here I am with a few inspiring thoughts to share.

You, my dear, have come a long way in the last few years. Hell, you’ve battled so many storms throughout your existence, you have definitely earned the title of warrior. I seriously don’t know how you’ve made it this far or where all your inner resilience comes from. I sense though that you are becoming mentally exhausted, I see you sitting on the edge peering forward as you’re getting lost in those thoughts. I hear those questions thumping in your mind and I can feel the weariness of your heart.

Give me strength, give me peace… -Imagine Dragons

I want you to know that everything you’ve ever truly wanted in life will come true. I know as you read this that you’ll shake your head in disbelief, but it’s true.

Your mind will find the fulfillment it dreams of career wise. Those goals you have jotted down in that notebook are closer to becoming a reality than you think.

Your heart will find true love. That ultra kind of love that you have only been dreaming of is in the works. You’ll have that imperfect happily ever after and he won’t hurt you the way past relationships have. He won’t he the villain to use your insecurities and tear you down, he’ll be your Jumpsuit who protects you and your heart. You’ll both create an amazing life with one another and have a beautiful family.

I feel your exhaustion, but I need you to hold on…please. With every glance downward your eyes make my heart skips a beat. However, I know you’ll hold on, that you won’t give up because of the promise you made. I know that the 17 embedded under your skin keeps you going. I just worry.

I can see you slightly losing sight if the horizon, keep your head baby girl. Don’t get lost within the fog, you can’t crash. Hold on…please.

I know you won’t believe my words, but you are strong and frickin amazing!

Don’t let go…just hold on, ok.

Don’t burn out on me… -Imagine Dragons

Stuck

Time goes by and still I’m stuck on you… -ID

14…the number of months that I’ve been double focusing on my writing and trying to not think of you…

“Don’t think about him, don’t think about him…”, these words run on a loop through my mind and for the most part this little motto has been working…

Then out of the blue your image pops itself into my mind…a certain song, a line from a movie, a chapter from a book, writing by the Christmas lights…these moments are out of my control and so again I run through the motto…

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. I have learned that certain reasons never reveal themselves, you just need to go with the universe’s flow. I need to know why this is happening though…

I wish I had that memory eraser from Men in Black…

I’ve been a zombie, I’m feeling like I’ve been locked in a grave… -ID