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Entertainer Blogger Award

Firstly, thank you to Andrea over at The Perks of Being Different for nominating me to attach a few answers to a few fun questions. These types of posts are cool and they give you a few fun facts about the bloggers you follow. So without further ado…

Why did you start blogging in the first place?

-I began this whole blogging journey in hopes of finding contentment within myself. This life of mine has been anything, but easy or boring, I was definitely dealt that “shit” card in my hand. A lot of mental struggles came attached with the physical struggles. Writing and blogging became apart of my outlets, a way of healing myself instead of harming myself. I continue to blog about my scars in hopes that it helps someone out there who is going through or has gone through their own struggles. 🖤

What is your favourite book?

I love this question, but it is hard to answer. It’s like asking what’s my favorite song. I have to say though, I’ve always been very partial to The Great Gatsby. 🖤

What do you dislike the most?

I know that I could answer this question with a serious aspect, but instead we’re going to to dip into my weirdness here. I dislike mushrooms. I do, I just don’t like them. I do like those little mushroom toads in the Mario Bros. games, you know those guys with the cute red or green polka dotted mushroom heads. Actual mushrooms, nope and I’ve tried liking them believe me. I don’t mind their earthy flavor so much, it’s their texture I just can’t seem to get past. To phrase my five year old self, “they’re squishy “. I’ve tried. 🍄😝

What is your favorite food at the mall?

Oooo, now we’re talking, food. Mall food? I’ve got to go with pizza. I love a slice of New York style pizza. Bomb! 🍕😋

What is your favorite pastime?

Part of me wants to say a baseball game because I have grown to love sporting events thanks to my Dad, Go Yankees! Part of me wants to say a good ol’ fashioned piece of apple pie because, well, foodie over here. But, I’m going to go with the ultimate classic, summer days/ nights at the beach. Blue skies, warm vitamin-d sunrays, soothing sand and ocean, family and friends, bonfires and s’mores. You just can’t beat it. 😎🏖

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Dear You | Storyteller Alley

Dear You is a collection of letters written to the people and events that have made the most impactful influences in my life. This book started out as a personal series of letters to the people I love. Letters filled with memories and life lessons. I began writing these letters after finding out that I was very sick. As each letter was written, certain events and memories began popping into my mind which inspired more letters. Dear You is my way of sharing an underdog story about a girl who was never meant to live, but did. I’ve survived surgeries, bullies, depression and being suicidal. I’ve seen this world at its brightest and at its darkest. Living with a rare disorder has allowed me to see this crazy thing we call life in a whole different perspective. The main message embedded within Dear You is my message to those out there who feel like giving up, who feel alone or forgotten, those who feel lost…you are worth everything this life has to offer, never ever give up. The book opens and closes with a letter i have addressed to the reader…hence, Dear You.

Author Bio

My name is Derra Sabo, I am a Cali native who stumbled into writing as a way to escape the daily life as the freak born with a rare disorder. That disorder being Epidermolysis Bullosa, or EB for a non tongue twisted pronunciation. I was the kid who was never meant to live past the age of 14 and here I am 33 years young. The best way to describe my life is nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. My family and friends are my everything. My scars and past demons are my inspiration to never give up. While most of my insomnia nights are filled with writing and tunes vibrating through my beats headphones, my days are my time to spend with my squad, cooking, movies, reading, blogging and spending as much time as possible at the beach. I’m the extroverted introvert who loves a good sunset and a caramel macchiato.

Connect with Derra on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon

  • Critic Score:92/100

    Our Review Ranking:

    A Great Read

Our Review

Our Review


This cover design does not do this great story the justice it deserves.

Cover design problems:

The background is blurry and is actually a problem for the eye to view easily.

The objects super-imposed in the foreground: a laptop, a tablet and pen, a vase with feathers in it, and a cup of coffee, all look like they were drag and dropped onto the cover from a collection of emojis or computer icons. The size ratio and distance between any and all of them in relation to each other is badly out of proportion. The computer itself actually looks like it’s floating instead of sitting on the desk, that’s made worse by the shadows on the edges of all the items not matching one another.

None of the cover elements reflect any part of the story or the struggle within the pages of this book.

Cover typography is not bad. Size of font for the book title as well as name of author are fine.

Book Blurb:

The blurb for this book is a good introduction to the story inside. It draws interest by speaking of particular events included in the book as well as the promise of helpful advice gained through the experiences of the author.

There is a typo in the last sentence of the book blurb. The “I” should be capitalized.

Formatting :

There are some problems with formatting.

Most of the front matter is in correct order , but the introduction is the first thing the reader sees in the book and it’s not labeled as an ‘Introduction‘.

The “Dear Beach” letter is written as though it is one of the Chapters or “letters” and it is placed before the title page of the book.

There is no Table of Contents included . Since the Chapters or “letters” are each very distinctly labeled sections of the book, it would be good to list them in a table of contents.

Pages are numbered well, beginning with page 11 where chapter one(the first letter entitled “Dear You”) begins.

Some paragraphs are indented, some are not.

Paragraphs and sentences all run together in block form, making the book difficult to read.

There are paragraphs with double space between them when they should be touching.

Grammar & Spelling:

Grammar and spelling in this book runs just passably fair. I found a several errors for grammar and spelling as well as quite a few problems regarding sentence structure, missing words, and missing and/or incorrect puntuation.

Character Development:

To say that character development is a big part of this book would be an understatement! In fact, I would say that this book is predominantly aboutcharacter development.
All of the ‘letters’ in this book from the author to each individual list in great detail the ups and downs of the things they’ve gone through together which have developed their characters in one way or another over time.
It outlines this development of each character including that of the author in a very clear, and detailed way. As the story develops so do it’s characters.

The underlying theme that threads it’s way through this book is one of the main characters’ caring and unswerving devotion to others as well as to herself. It demonstrates a continued growth and change of inner self.

Plot & Structure:

The structure of the book is decent. Throughout most of the book the author is narrating each letter to family members and friends and you read them as an outsider looking in. Further into the book the letters change and actually feel as though they’re written in the presence of the reader, as though this was the final point of the work as a whole.

The plot of the book ,one of struggle and recovery , moves well all the way through without becoming monotonous or repetitive.


Story is paced well all the way through . Each letter shows a new aspect of the family and friends that surround the author. The more you read ,the better understanding you have of where the author is coming from with different comments and outlooks over time. The reasons why certain things are said or done become clear as it progresses.

Use of Language:

The use of language is fair. The book uses the language of the day and is easy to understand . Even the brief and infrequent use of the word “ain’t” is acceptable given the conceptual layout of this book. It speaks the lanugauge of the common man in today’s times.


I find no problems with the originality of this book. It reads as a story unique to it’s author while reaching out to those in similar circumstances.
This book provides an interesting look into the mind of a children growing up in the digital age. Conversations between siblings via digital means such as I-pods and music shared via digital devices etc, all reveal an inside look of how kids see the world in the time they’ve been born into.
It also provides a look at someone dealing with many troubles at a very young age and overcoming them to live a good life.

Overall Readability:

Overall , I can say I enjoyed reading this book. In spite of the writing problems it had, my interest in the storyline kept me turning pages to see what was next.

A Note From the Critic:

I enjoyed reading this book and I wasn’t sure I would when I started it. It turned out to be a well written story related in a very personable way that is friendly to the reader. I believe it will do what the author intended and be a help to others that are going through similar difficulties in life and I can recommend it as good in that regard.
Toward the end of the book, in the letter entitled “Dear World” the authors remembrance of Nine-Eleven is a touching tribute to the strength of our nation and it’s people on a very dark day that forever changed the way we see the world.
There are quite a few problems inside as far as errors in grammar and formatting, as well as the occasional typo,bad sentence structure or spelling mistake . This surprises me as I see on the title page that it has been published with a traditional publishing house and I expected they would have a round of proofreading for each book they put out. It could use just a little polishing, but it is overall a great read and I am happy to have read it!

blog, blogger, blogging, life, Uncategorized, writer, writing

Mystery Award

Well it’s happened humans…I’ve been tagged. 😅 Thank you to also known as The Perks of Being Different blog for the tag. These are always fun to do and it’s a great way of helping to promote your favorite bloggers. Ok humans, grab a refreshing beverage, a tasty snack and let’s do this.

1. What is the most recent song you discovered by watching a movie / series?

Trouble by Cage the Elephant. I first heard the hook to this song being played near the ending of an episode of Bull. I instantly fell in love with the lyrics I heard, so I grabbed my phone and downloaded it to my Spotify.

2. On what did you spend your first earned salary on?

The first item I bought was a Kitchen Aid stand mixer. I love to bake and that bad boy made mixing batters and doughs so much easier. I love that machine. 😂

3. If your old school would organize a reunion, would you go? How would you behave?

Yeah, that’s going to be a solid No. Long story short I was bullied in High School, so going back to attend a reunion isn’t something I would do.

4. Who is your “famous person” crush?

Music Artist: Joshua Dun… can we just take a moment to appreciate that man’s gorgeousness. Seriously, who gave him the right to be that sexy.

Actor: Channing Tatum…do I even need to explain why? Nope, didn’t think so.

5. Does the culture of the country you’re currently live in suits you?

Honestly, no. A majority of the people here in the US have gotten so self absorbed, judgmental and greedy. It’s as though human beings forgot how to be human beings. Don’t twist this up though, there are still kind humans sprinkled within these lands. Those kind souls keep my faith in our species lit.

6. Favorite childhood memory?

Wow, ummm, hang on. There’s too many to choose from. A lot of my favorite childhood memories were days spent at the beach. Family, friends, plenty of food, sand and ocean, bonfires and s’mores. The love and laughter embodied in every sunset.

7. Explain the tagline of your blog.

In a world where being genuine is lacking, I want anyone who stumbles upon my blog to know that these thoughts of mine are in fact mine. Their honesty, rawness, craziness, beautifulness and chaotic madness are genuine.

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Rice Krispies and Coffee

**sitting here at 9:37pm, eating a bowl of rice krispies, enjoying a cup of cinnamon dolce coffee and scrolling through blog posts. The Perks of Being Different blog posted a blog with these get to know you questions. Seemed fun, so here we go **

Are you named after anyone?

– Not that I’m aware of. I do know that my name was chosen by my biological father. I also know that had I been born a boy then my name would’ve been Joshua.

When was the last time you cried?

-About three weeks ago. My great Aunt Betty passed, she was an amazing person who had the kindest heart.

If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

-I think I would.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

-Haha, yeah I do. My sarcasm and wit have minds of their own. My sarcasm also tends to make its presence when a defense mechanism is needed.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

-They’re eyes. You can hypothesize a lot about a person by their eyes.

What is your eye color?

-There is a outer ring of green and an inner ring of hazel.

Scary movie or happy endings?

-Depends…I love the suspense of scary movies, but I also love a happy ending.

Favorite smells?

-Oooo, I love the aromas of cinnamon, vanilla, pumpkin spice, freshly brewed coffee, freshly fried donuts, crisp autumn breeze, the saltiness of the ocean and freshly washed sheets on a bed.

What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home?

-The times I’ve traveled to New York.

Do you have any special talents?

-Umm, well I don’t know, but I’m pretty bomb at making someone smile when they’re feeling blue.

Where were you born?

-I was born in Covina, California.

What are your hobbies?

-I like to cook, bake, draw, music, write, read, movies…

Do you have any pets?

-Not at this time.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

-Well, I think I’d like to be a writer 😉

Who was your first best friend?

-His name was Steven, we met in pre-school.

How tall are you?

-5’6″ ish

How many countries have you visited?

-So far just Mexico. Plan on traveling soon though.

What was your favorite/worst subject in High School?

-Favorite subject was Math.

-Worst subject was History (not because I didn’t like this subject, just had unenthusiastic teachers).

What is your Favorite drink? Animal? Perfume?

-Favorite drink is a toss up between coffee and green tea with honey.

-Favorite animal is the sea turtle and penguins.

-Favorite perfume is Chanel No* 5

What Sports do you play/Have you played?

-Well does dancing and Wii sports can’t 😉

Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?

-Nerdy Nummies, How to Cake It, Koalipops, Jeffree Star, Manny MUA, Shane Dawson, Cakes by Choppa, Cupcake Jemma, Man About Cake, iJustine, Joe Santagato.

How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had?

-A couple boyfriends.

Favorite memory from childhood?

Going to a Kings game with my parents. Our seats were right behind the glass. We got home after midnight and I got to miss school the next day. It was awesome!

How would you describe your fashion sense?

-I’m a jeans and tshirt kinda girl. Hoodies? Of course. But, I also love to dress up for special occasions.

What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)?

-I have the Samsung Galaxy S8+ … always been an Android girl.

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**the scent of pre-rain intertwines with the slightly frosted breeze dancing within these reminiscent woods. Black hoodie on and candy cane rose in my hand, my feet travel back to the spot where the end morphed into the beginning…**

Hey sweet baby girl, how’s the afterlife party? I bet it’s one kickass bash, like New Year’s, Fourth of July and Halloween combined. I’m sorry it’s been too long between visits, I could deliver endless excuses as to why, but they’d be just that…excuses. Truth be told, it is becoming harder and harder to come back here to this spot.

I feel obligated to come back here from time to time, check-in in a way. Every time I leave I feel as though I mentally take a step backwards. A step I shouldn’t be taking. I put you here though, it was my past weakness that buried you seven feet deep.

My god, you were so full of life. So unguarded. Your eyes sparkled like a lighthouse, your laughter cute and contagious, your soul burned brilliantly, your heart untouched by pain and your mind pure. Then I allowed society to beat you down, bully your mind, make your heart feel worthless. I did that. I am so very sorry. You had been through too much unnecessary pain, this was the only way I could protect you, the only way I knew how to protect you. It definitely wasn’t plan “a”.

I want you to know that you’ve taught me so much since that night and while I am nowhere near any type of perfection, I owe a great deal of who I am to you. That night I made two promises to you. One, to keep going no matter how deeply pulled under the storm may drown me. Second, to keep our heart safely hidden until such a time occured when it appears safe. So far, so good.

Progress report, there’s been a few pretty treacherous storms (one that nearly defeated me). Even though these walls of mine are high, I’m learning to become more open yet remain cautious. The toxicology levels are diminishing as the mental wounds have healed and scarred over. That sparkle that was cracked is now filled with liquid gold. These grown eyes now shine like broken Christmas lights. As for this old soul, it surprisingly glows on, a flicker here and there, but it glows nonetheless.

The world tried to burn all the mercy outta me, but you know I wouldn’t let it. It tried to teach me the hard way, I can’t forget it…. -Fall Out Boy

Our heart? Well, hidden it remains. Its wounds too have healed and the stitches have been removed from each scar. Our ticker is beating on, against every damn odd and statistic. I know that your one wish was for me to fulfill our ultimate dream, however, that is proving to be a bit daunting. I haven’t completely given up on your wish, I just want you to know that there’s a chance it may not happen. Not to your fault, but merely mine. I fear that I’ve seen too much of the darkness in human hearts to be able to trust and jump once more.

Even with all of the pain and darkness held behind these eyes, I still search for the rainbow at the end of every storm. And that’s due to you. Any ounce of hope or goodness that flows through my veins is because of you.

And I’ve been lookin’ for a long time, but I never found home. Everything is alright, I’m around for the long ride…. -Machine Gun Kelly

This may be the last time I visit our spot, but know that you have an eternal place with me. Every time I see this robotic heart that’s inked into my skin, I think of you, of us and how we’ve made it to this point. How did we make it this far? I guess like the proverbial tootsie pop, the world may never know.

Storms moving in, I should go. Before I do, do me a favor…tell Popee that I’m working on it, what we last talked about.

I love you baby girl, you continue to rest easy. I’ve got it from here.

‘Cause I’m stuck in the sunshine riptide, dancing all alone in the morning light… -Fall Out Boy

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Author Interview via Serious Reading

Hey guys, so I am doing an author interview for and thought I’d share it with all of you. Let me know your thoughts. Enjoy!

Do all authors have to be grammar nazis?

-Honestly, I don’t mind a few errors here and there. There’s a certain realness within the imperfections.

If you could be the original author of any book what would it have been?

-IT by Stephen King. I personally have a fear of clowns, but the level of fright that King spins on the already creepy is pure brilliance.

What makes the particular genre you’re involved in so special?

-While I love a good murder mystery or fantasy world of sci-fi and the unknown, biographies give you that rare entrance into another human’s mind and heart. It provides that personal connection between two living souls and even sparks commonalities between two strangers. You just that certain “something” from one’s memior.

What works best for you: typewriter, pen and notebook, dictate, computer or longhand?

-I have a duo system…I like to scribble out thoughts and ideas in notebooks and then create the finished piece on my laptop. There’s something therapeutic about ink and paper before my eyes are captured by the glowing screen of my laptop.

What inspires you to write?

-Everything, this beautiful world and the intriguing humans that reside on it inspire my mind 24/7. And when I say everything I mean Everything! The other day a peanutless M&M inspired a blog I’m currently working on. Told you, everything.

Writers are often associated with loner tendencies, is there any truth to that?

-I believe there is a level of truth to this. Depending on the writer themselves, some prefer solidarity while others feed off of a more social life. I’m somewhat planted in the middle of solidarity and social.

Have you ever experienced “Writer’s Block”? How long does it usually last?

-I have definitely suffered from Writer’s Block, I don’t think any writer has ever not experienced this. More times than not, the block will hit when my thoughts crash into one another like one giant mental traffic jam. The longest my mind has ever been blocked was three-ish weeks.

Any tips you would like to share to overcome that?

-The best advice I can suggest on this matter is to step away. Seriously, just put down the pen, close the laptop and step away. Go out and get a coffee, meet a friend for lunch, spend the weekend at the beach…distract your mind elsewhere and let the chaos works itself out in the background. Sitting at your desk, twirling your pen while you stare at a blank page or screen will only drive you bananas, trust me.

Do you like to read much and if so who are your favorite authors?

-I love to get comfy with a good book and caramel macchiato. I read at least one book a month, but its usually two or three. My mind has programmed itself into needing to start and finish a book within two weeks or I get bored. That would be the ADD section of my brain. I am a fan of Stephen King, Gillian Flynn, Paulo Coelho, JK Rowling and CS Lewis to name a few.

What is your take on the importance of a good book cover?

-I’ve always associated book covers with food, I know that sounds weird. In cooking class I was taught that we eat with our eyes first, so in the same respect a good book cover that is brightly colored or has an interesting title catches the eyes causing you to pick up the book and peruse it. So a good book cover is important, but remember, never judge a book merely by its cover. I usually read the first few pages to get a sense of the book.

Does a bad review affect your writing?

-Nope, not one bit. However, the only reason I can answer this question with a solid answer is because I have dealt with “critics” my entire life and will continue to do so. Living with a physical disorder paints a target on your forehead making it easier for the “critics” to spot you. A bad review is merely that person’s opinion. There will never be a book, movie, song, food, political view or anything in this world that is going to please 100% of society. There’s your haters, your lovers and the in between that could take it or leave it.

Any advice you would like to give your younger self?

-Keep going…no matter what storm category hits…keep going. Life gets better.

What did you want to become when you were a kid?

-A fashion designer/ drummer in a punk rock band. I fell in love with the drums as a youngster, the beats were soothing. As I got older, 8 – 9, I got into fashion. I still love both of those, my career choice just took an unexpected turn down the rabbit hole.

Is there anything you are currently working on that may intrigue the interest of your readers?

-Currenty I’m working on a series of pieces that take you down the dark alleys of a human mind that has been through the ringer again and again. Pieces discussing the “uncomfortable” topics of depression, anxiety, suicide, physical disorders, bullying, nightmares…pretty much the type of thoughts that we’re taught to keep hushed. There are a few sparkly pieces sprinkled in to balance it all out.

Who is the most supportive of your writing in your family?

-My whole family is pretty supportive of my writing career, but I do have to give props to my cousin Julie. She was always the first to buy a copy of my books and has read them all as well. She is seriously the best!

Poets and writers in general have a reputation of committing suicide, in your opinion, why is that the case?

-Honestly, the entire subject of suicide and why one commits such an action is absolutely heart wrenching. I myself was suicidal as a teen, I wish that mental state on no one. I can, however, see why poets and writers have this generalization attached to them. Writing a piece, especially if it’s a very personal memory from the writer’s past, is exhaustive. It’s like breaking off a piece of yourself and sending it out into the world. The process of breaking that piece off sometimes include ripping open old scars or digging up old skeletons. Doing this unleashes a whirlwind of emotions, sometimes doing this places your mind right back into the hurt locker, the past becomes fresh again. It can become too much.

Do you like traveling or staying in?

-Both, I’m an extroverted introvert. I love traveling to different places and learning about their culture, food, fashion, architecture and meeting new people. I also love staying in. Cooking a meal, spending time with family and friends, enjoying a movie marathon or game night.

What do you do in your free time?

-Spend time with the family, go to the movies, concerts, cook, spend as much time as possible at the beach.

Did the thought of giving up writing ever occur to you?

-At least once a day, but that’s how I know that this is what I want to do. Writing challenges me, it pushes me out of my comfort zone, forces me to allow myself to be open, even vulnerable. I’m never bored.

If you die today, how would you want the world to remember you?

-I would hope that the world would remember me as the broken toy from Misfit Island who helped those who felt alone in their battles feel less alone. The broken toy who made everyone feel accepted and apart of this life. I hope to be remembered as the girl who made you smile.

How big of a part does music play in creating your “zone”?

-A major part. Music has always played a significant role in my life. I’ve burned through more albums and created more playlists than I have burned through books. I can explain an emotion through a song better than I can verbally expressing myself. Rap is my go to when I’m in the writing zone. From Macklemore to G-Eazy, NF to the one and only Rap God himself Marshall Mathers aka Eminem. My mind is able to focus and create when those rap lyrics are vibrating my ear drums.

Do you need to be in a specific place or room to write, or can you just sit in the middle of a cafe full of people and write?

-I can pretty much write anywhere because even when I’m at home writing I will have my headphones on. Music allows my mind to pause from the ambient sounds of the world, therefore my focus is shifted to my writing.

What weather inspires you the most in terms of bringing out your literary best?

-I love a gloomy day! Gray cloud filled skies, rain trickling down and thunder bursts popping here and there. Days like those make me want to stay in, grab a coffee, my laptop and just dive into creating.

Were your parents supportive of your career choice?

-Yes they were and are. My parents have always told my siblings and I that as long as we are happy with our career choice then that’s all that matters. They have always been very supportive with any dream my siblings and I have worked towards.

How do you think concepts such as Kindle or e-books have changed the present or future of reading?

-My opinion on this is that we are an extremely busy society and the ability to actually peruse a bookstore and then carve out time to read our new purchase is a rarity. Technology has impacted our lives greatly and apps like Kindle or downloadable e-books allows booklovers the ability to read on the go or listen to their books on the go. I think e-books is allowing us writers to survive and continue to thrive in a technological world. I myself still prefer the feel of an actual book in my hands, but I guess I’m just an old souled millennial.

Is there a particular kind of attire you like to write in?

-Jeans, t-shirt and a hoodie. I’ve always been that girl and always will be.

If you could live anywhere in the world, which country would you live in and why?

-Australia. I need sand and ocean near me, so from what I’ve seen and heard, Australia is the place to go.

Have you ever turned a dream or a nightmare into a written piece?

-Yes I have. Writing about my dreams and nightmares aids in processing the underlying meaning.

What is that dream goal you want to achieve before you die?

-My dream goal has nothing to do with writing. My dream goal is to be an adorable wrinkly old lady reminiscing with her husband, kids and grandchildren about the endless memories that we’ve all created over the years as we’re decorating the Christmas tree. The dream goal is in having the honor to be a wife, mother and grandmother.

Do you blog?

-Yes, I have a couple of sites that I blog on. WordPress and Society Rebel. I enjoy blogging, it is like having a virtual journal.

Do you enjoy the theatre? Would you ever like one of your stories to be turned into one?

-I adore the theatre. My Nana and Ma’ started taking me to Broadway shows and ballets since I was four years old. The whole experience of dressing up and experiencing a Broadway production is something everyone should do at least once in their life.

If you had to pick one author to write your biography, who would it be?

-Stephen King, hands down! If my life was ever morphed into a Stephen King novel I would die a happy chica.

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Bad Habit

“Creative writing is truth written in invisible ink…”

Last summer these dreams of being trapped within a plexiglass box spun my nights. Sleep eluded my eyes and this entrapment captured my varying thoughts. The woods in which this clear cell was placed were calming because they were familiar. An alternate home where my childhood years became spent, night after night I’d visit the monsters that hid in between the darkness of the trees. Once a frightening place, slowly morphed into a familiar twisted comfort.

My anxiety was never placed with the location of these dreams, it was found painted across the crystal prison I was in and with the kind faced stranger that stood outside my cell.

For two months this dream played on a loop, the same plot of struggling to find a way out before losing my mind and trying to figure out the meaning behind the kind stranger. Puzzles are something I find enjoyable, but this is one that was hard to decipher. For two months I kicked, punched, dug and screamed my energy away in hopes of escaping. With every attempt followed a fail. During this subconscious madness moments of calm where only found when I happened to glance at the kind stranger outside my cell. He never spoke, rarely moved. He simply stood and smiled. I never glanced for more than a few seconds, his unknown appearance leveled up my anxiety and I was already skyrocketing from trying to escape.

As these dreams continued small differences began to appear, such as a gun and bat (both conveniently located outside the box, of course). So, my mind now in overdrive as to how I could get my hands on one of them….. one night my mind must have been overwhelmed because I dreamt that I was ready to give up. I sat on the ground, started playing a game of Stare with the kind stranger and could feel myself ready to throw in the towel. While in the stare showdown with Mr. Kind, I felt like he was trying to figure out what I was thinking. He was getting a little too inside my head. It was a calm chaos, but I just wanted it all to end. I just wanted to sleep.

Long story short and several dreams later, I finally grabbed the gun and the dreams stopped. If you want to know how this all unravels you can check out my blog entitled “Louisville Slugger vs. Glock 22”.

Crazy dreams…waking up in a cold sweat…gasping for air…these are all symptoms that I am very much used to. The kind stranger, however, threw me for a loop. He, in fact, was the most dangerous part of my dream. Sounds odd, I know. See, he brought a sense of calm to my mind that I had never felt before. A calm that caused the angst and fear to pause every time I looked at him.

Even though the dreams stopped…the calm feeling that wrapped around me is a feeling that I find myself conjuring up whenever my anxiety kicks in. I have become, dare I say, addicted to this kind faced stranger’s image.

Last month he appeared in a couple of my dreams, but nothing compared to last year. I still dont know why he entered my hellish woods, the meaning behind his presence. I don’t think he will ever be a puzzle I can solve, part of me has come to grips with this and the other part is going a bit crazy that the unknown will remain as such.

I wish I didn’t find this level of comfort with his image, the calm is real but the hopes of ever truly finding it in reality isn’t. I wish I could erase it all, but I can’t.

Have I gone completely mad? Have I morphed into Alice endlessly falling down the rabbit hole?

I fell in love with a very bad habit, but I feel alive for the very first time… -Machine Gun Kelly