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….5 Minutes….

In this 12:22am moment, the words have calmed to a silent buzz…

In this 12:23am moment, this exact emotion is too deeply embedded within these stitches. Not even the sharpest scalpel could cut it out…

In this 12:24am moment, the only way I can best verbalize is with one single piece of art and a lyrical quote…

In this 12:25am moment, my heart is raw…

In this 12:26am moment, my mind is still…

I wanna be known by you…. -Twenty One Pilots

blog, blogging, creativewriting, life, mental health, music, writer, writing

Deep Breath

Do you ever find yourself taking an unexpected deep breath…

Lately I have noticed that these unexpected deep breaths keep sneaking their way into my days and nights. Out of the blue, my lungs feel the need to inhale a bit more oxygen.

In a weird way, after a deep breath I feel a bit more at ease…mentally and physically. These thoughts in my mind have been racing in a more sporadic manner lately rather than in an even flow. My body has been sleepless and anxious. The cerebral storm thunders a bit more monstrous at 2am.

However, these unexpected outta the blue deep breaths inject a sense of calm into my veins, they inhabit a sense of peace into my bones.

I inhale reassurance and exhale a negative thought. My focus is refocused.

Breathe in…..breathe out……

The P.A. system keeps my hard heart beating tonight…. -Fall Out Boy

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My Turn

What do you see when my reflection comes into focus in your viewfinder?

Do you see a freckled porcelain complexion whose appearance seems quiet, perhaps even coldly shy?

Perhaps you see a mutant misfit incapable of making it in this life. A fragile museum artifact that must remain protected with bubble wrap and locked away.

Click to the next slide…

Now here you’ll an image of a dimpled grin, the gatekeeper to the broken brain. You’ll see hazel eyes that hold a tiny spark, within that spark are the silent scars that are stitched into a human heart. A heart that beats for 2064.

Every single slide you skip forward to will always capture that dimpled grin and those spark embedded hazel eyes. What you won’t see is the internal struggle that wages, the side effects of a misfit’s anxiety.

A clenched chest… deep breathing goes into effect in hopes that focused oxygen will aid from the dizzying room possibly going dark. Headphones cemented to eardrums, injecting lyrical morphine into the cerebral thunderstorm. A fond numbness is wished for so that the booming thoughts that scream disaster will calm.

While I mentally whisper that everything will be ok and that everything will run smoothly, my anxiety is in the process of conjuring up its own destructive plan. Meeting unfamiliar humans, speaking to an audience of any size or a project that involves getting lost within my thoughts and breaking off a piece of myself… boom!

A tiny fleeting moment of titanium confidence, then an ear piercing whisper…

“My turn…”

Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside…-Imagine Dragons

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The “S” Word

This life is definitely not for the faint at heart. This life is a whirlwind of luminosity and darkness, however when that darkness sneaks in it becomes all we can see. The light seems burnt out and we feel as though there’s nothing left, that we have nothing left in us. This life, in all of its beautiful chaos, is worth living. 💛

Never silence someone’s depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts. I understand that these topics may be uncomfortable for you to discuss, but please remember…your discomfort is our reality…your discomfort doesn’t outweigh our lives.

Talk…listen…support. 💛

I know who I truly am, I truly do have a chance…I’m fairly local, I’ve been around, I’ve seen the streets you’re walkin’ down… -Twenty One Pilots

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Inspired Bones

Music calms my anxiety…

Music inspires me…

Music causes my body to rock out…

Music numbs the pain stitched in my heart…

Music silences the thunderstorm in my cerebral…

While writing and the embedded promise on my arm keep me breathing, music saved me when nothing but darkness resides in my bones…

Music is a new beginning…


blog, blogging, creative writing, life, love, mental health, music, writer, writing

Future Snippet

Here is a snippet, a letter from Dear You. A message to my present and future self. If you wrote a letter to your future self what would you tell yourself? What would you hope for? I hope you’re all having a wonderful night or morning. 🤘💛

**Damn girl! How in the world did we survive the hurricane that’s been our life? “Everything happens for a reason” has aided in the frustration and insanity that’s clouded the path. Music has been the morphine drip numbing the violent vibrations pounding through our mind. Writing has been the escape route taken when running forward every time we’ve murdered our past. Friends have band-aided small cuts and wounds. Family has been our solid shoulder to shed each black tear, created milestones of happiness and the warm embrace that’s comforted our heart. Andhehas been the calm thats silenced the storm within (even though he doesnt know it).

This frozen moment is picturesque, strokes of brilliance beautifully framed for all the world to see.

Guarded we remain and that’s ok because the walls represent that trust is a privilege earned not just freely handed out or bought. Our heart is still under lock and key, but that’s ok too because its stitched strength is reserved for the one who deserves its goldenness. Its scars remind us that we will no longer blindly jump into just anyone’s arms. Despite these necessary glitches, we’re doing just fine (no I don’t mean freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional).

I don’t have the right name or the right looks, but I have twice the heart…”. -Fall Out Boy

30 years young, and I must say that you’ve never looked so beautiful. You’ve become a force that wakes up every morning, ready to take on the day and every curve ball that may be thrown your way. As for the future, I can’t predict what storms may come, I can’t reveal if love will kiss your forehead, I can’t have loose lips if your story will ever be shared with the world (depending on someone’s assistance is a sticky wicket because you’re now counting on someone to have the courage to take a chance on a nobody). But, I can spill the secret that the past’s ashes will forever reside six feet under, never to darken your starry night.

“Burn everything you love then burn the ashes…”

-Fall Out Boy

The only advice that I shall pay you off with is never ever hinder who you are, under any circumstances should you fold. Life only gives you a single game. So, shuffle the deck… Grasp the hand you’ve been dealt… Shut your eyes… Take a breath… And play those Aces…**