Side Effects

This reflection was momentarily captured on the other side of this glass, small features have shifted, changes have been made…

The catch light that glows within those hazel eyes has dimmed and now it flickers like the fourth lightbulb…

The beat that vibrates her entire skeletal frame has lost some of its bass, soft almost unnoticeable…

The electric currents that race limitlessly around this luminous cerebral cortex has been having one too many glitches lately, causing frustration and confusion jams…

All of these mishaps equal a young old soul that is becoming weary, side effects of this internal conflict has been tears sneaking out of those dimming eyes…

A cure hasn’t been found…

Like neon inside glass, they form my brain. But, I recently discovered it’s a heatless fire… -Twenty One Pilots

Morphing 2018

I have morphed from a young kiddo to an interesting human…

I have morphed from the broken girl always in the hospital to the immortal mortal, Death clearly isn’t ready…

I have morphed from the suicidal teen to a voice who won’t shut up about ending this suffocating stigma attached to mental health…

I have morphed from the immature girl who would enter into wrong relationships, eluded by the notion that at least I wasn’t lonely, when in fact I had never felt lonelier. Guys that didn’t deserve what and who I am, each breaking me down. It took the toxicity of dating a sociopath for my eyes to truly open, for my mind to reevaluate and for my heart to realize that waiting for my genuine Jack isn’t asking for too much…

I have morphed from the quiet doormat to taking care of myself and starting to stand up for my values, for myself. I have detoxified my atmosphere, those whom I surround myself with, both in reality and the internet…

I have morphed from Derra to Derra Nicole!

I’ll morph to someone else, I’m just a ghost…defense mechanism mode… -Twenty One Pilots

Rubberband

Upon my right wrist used to live a rubberband…

This rubberband’s daily mission was to snap a sharp sting that would shoot up from my vein all the way up to my brain…

That sharp sting would annihilate the current toxic thought of wanting to murder my name…

All through high school this rubberband fought tirelessly to save my existence…

Today, that rubberband has been replaced by this life line embedded underneath this scarred skin. This ink’s purpose is that of a promise made to another human that I would never again attempt to take my own life…

Upon my right arm lives the memory of a rubberband.

Neon Gravestones try to call for my bones… -Twenty One Pilots

Welcome to Trench

World.. “So, whatcha up to tonight?”

Me.. “Well, the entire Trench album was just released on Spotify so…playin’ that on a loop.”

World.. “Wait, you didn’t listen to it three days ago when it was leaked?”

Me.. “Nope.”

World.. “Why not?”

Me.. “It’s called respect dude.”

World.. “What are you trying to say?”

Me.. “I think you know what I’m saying, now if you don’t mind..I’m busy here.”

World.. “You’re eating ice cream and listening to music…”

Me.. “That’s called multitasking..”

World.. “You can’t be…”

Me.. “Shhhh…”

Surrounded and up against the wall, I’ll shred ’em all and go with you… -Twenty One Pilots

September 29th, 2018

If I was allotted only one word to describe the other night, that word would be Epic.

This world we live in is torn between love and hate, there hasn’t been a balance in quite some time. Just as we were getting to that place of celebrating our differences, that place of common courtesy and acceptance…the world went into a dark spin causing a split chain reaction.

However, an event occured on Saturday, September 29th, 2018 that placed thousands of people under one roof for one purpose and one purpose only…

To rock their little beating hearts out…to soak in that reminder that we are all car crashed hearts.

For 4 hours, age…race…careers…body type…gender…sexual orientation…disabilities…Non of these statuses mattered.

The beats soothed any pain while the lyrics stitched every broken piece.

Every look was met with a smile and every interaction met with kindness.

Every body jumped and danced while every voice sang until their lungs gave out.

On Saturday, September 29th, 2018… everyone was equal.

Long live the car crashed hearts crying on the couch while the poets come to life, fix me in forty-five… -Fall Out Boy