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Happy Birthday Ma’

You never stomped on any of my ideas, goals or dreams. You never started any conversation with the words “No” or “Can’t”. Creativity and hard work were always the cards played to help me achieve my newest project. From Tap and Ballet lessons… art sets so that I could sketch out my imagination… my drum set days for band during my elementary and Jr. High years… finding a love for cooking which now means we’ve upgraded from colored pencils and drumsticks to sharp knives and fire… my fascination with the sharpness and beauty of words resulting in my dream of one day becoming an author.

Thank you for never giving up on me, even when I gave up on myself. Thank you for always believing in the person that I’ve become and showing me the power that unconditional love has. Thank you for being my Ma’ 💛

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Adrian

You may not realize, but you have been one of the biggest impacts in my life. You never judged me, you never felt pity towards me and you never treated me differently because of my EB. You taught me what true friendship meant and what it means to have ones back. To never judge based on the outside cover and most importantly… The only approval you need in life is your own. I could confide anything with you and know that it wasn’t going to be next day’s gossip. You and I are different yet the same in a variety of aspects. And I want you to know that you’re not just a friend, you’re family. I love you man! 😉 No matter where life may take us, no matter the distance driven between us, I am always here for you…No matter what. Just light up that Bat signal in the night sky…I’ll be there.

Happy Birthday Shadow…🖤

What’s my age again… -Blink 182

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Betty and Herm

Current time…12:04 am. Sitting in bed as the cool breeze sneaks through the window’s screen, I find myself scrolling through the many photos that were snapped during this last holiday season. Frozen memories with friends and family safely tucked away in the cloud of my phone. Two pictures catch my attention in a “mind blown” kind of way causing a curious smirk to announce itself. One photo is of me with my Great Uncle Herm and the other with my Great Aunt Betty. These are two amazingly kind and wise souls, true salt of the earth humans. They are both getting up there in age, rockin’ the 90’s.

Anytime I talk to my Aunt Betty she tells me that getting old is for the birds.
My Uncle Herm, that man doesn’t age..I swear he looks the same as he did when he was in his 60’s. He’ll tell you that it’s due to coffee, the man loves a good cup of coffee (guess the coffee bean doesn’t fall to far from the tree).

This past New Year’s Eve I was able to visit my Great Aunt and Uncle, which was the best part of my holiday. My family and I spent the week of Christmas in VA and after I spent New Year’s week with my cousins in Maryland. My cuzzbuzz Julie, her oldest son Berk and I hit D.C. for a day of museums and art galleries. On New Year’s eve, we all went to PA to visit my Aunt and Uncle. They are both pretty sick, so visiting them while I was on the east coast was extremely important to me. Food and great conversation, it was the best day. As my cousins and I gathered our coats, as hugs, kisses and goodbyes were exchanged my Aunt looks at me and nearly made me cry with what she said. “With everything you’ve been through, you have become quite a lovely young woman.”Out of every compliment I’ve been given and any future compliment, that one tops them all because she is one of very few people who knows everything that I’ve been through, she is one of the very few that actually knows the unguarded me.

What my Aunt Betty said to me means everything, I am truly honored to be one of her Hunnybunches. My Uncle Herm also gave his wise advice…”Keep causing trouble and stay away from guys, they’re no good.”

life goals

Oh yeah, back to that mind blowing thought, those two amazing humans have been married for 71 years! Holy shit! Talk about an actual life goal. For 71 years those two have created an untouchable life goal filled with family, love and endless memories. You don’t hear of any couple being married for that long these days, heck, these days you’re lucky if your marriage lasts past the first year and why? Honestly, I think that no one wants to ride out storms anymore. You love each other during the golden sunsets, but anytime a storm enters your relationship y’all are way too eager to bail. Part of being in a real, solid relationship is not only holding onto one another during the good times, it’s also about holding onto one another when fighting the storms. With every after calmness of any storm is where you two become stronger.

Falling in love with your partner means falling in love with all of who they are, from the spark in their eyes to the scars hidden underneath the mud. Exchanging those infamous vows, aka promises, means that you’ll always be by their side, within the light…during the darkness and every shade in between.

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned from Betty and Herm Gundrum, it’s that true love means that you never give up on each other. They never gave up and here they are 71 years strong.

I know that we joke about life goals…a concealer that makes you look like you got 8 hours of sleep and had four cups of coffee.. #lifefoal. But, the real life goal is that mind blown kinda love people…71 frickin years, that’s a #lifegoal. I strive to have that kinda love. That’s my life goal.

Both my Great Aunt Betty and Great Uncle Herm have recently passed away. Herm passed April 27th and Betty passed May 6th. As broken as my heart is, the knowledge knowing that they are no longer in pain and are together once again is extremely comforting.

“That ultra kinda love you never walk away from, you’re just the last of the real ones…”

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Uncrossed and Undotted

That one person…that one human in your life that knows your inner-workings better than you do. That one wise mind, having a knack for dishing out the best advice with perfect timing. That one platinum heart that loves unjudgmentally  and unconditionally. We all have the one person, at least I hope everyone does.

My person was my Popee… he was one of the most amazing humans that resided on this spinning marble. Caught in a whirlwind of self-doubt and dark thoughts, he always found a way to pull me out of my crushing storms.

10 years since his passing, yet my mind has installed all of his given knowledge from my youngster years. Any rabbit hole moment that I begin to spiral down, his voice projects throughout my mind, giving me a hand to grab onto, pulling me out.

Lessons from fighting for your silver lined dreams to purposely set aside time to be 7 years old again. Life, as beautiful and full as it is, is over in a mere blink. When I am 80 years old, at the beach with my husband, kids and grandkids, I want to have so many memories to reminisce over  while the bonfire crackles that we simply can’t recall them all. A “shoulda, coulda, woulda” ending is not the cherry I want placed upon my sundae.

Tendencies of my t’s becoming uncrossed and my i’s becoming undotted still occur from time to time, especially during those endless midnight black skies. However, while in the thick of my darkness, I hear my Popee’s calming voice and with the sunrise I am once again crossed and dotted.

“Home, a place where I can go to take this off my shoulders…someone take me home…” -MGK 20171119_172029.jpg

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Challenge Accepted 

So with the new year in full force mode I have decided to make a few goals, personal and career. While we begin 2018 with a fresh blank page. I still want to keep up on exercises that improve and maintain my writing skills. On Pinterest I found a 30 day writing challenge. Some blogs will be posted here on WordPress and others will be posted on my Society Rebel page. The topics listed for this challenge seem very positive. Which I was drawn to. My writing style lately has been more or less on the dim side, I figured that this tiny side journey might brighten things up.

First challenge is to list 10 things that make you happy…

– First and foremost, my family is my everything. These golden hearted humans keep my contentment in tact. Like Dom, I ain’t got friends..I’ve got family.

– A pen and notebook…These two vessels allow me an actual voice amongst a world of white static. My lips may not always obtain the capability of conveying the thoughts thundering in my head, but my jet black inked pen never fails.

– Music…there are moments where this ticking ticker of mine need those therapeutic drum beats to calm it’s scars. There are moments where my mechanical mind need those quickly spun lyrics to aid in silencing my screaming thoughts. Lastly, there are those moments where a combo deal is all i need to soothe my questioning soul.

– Coffee…I know what you’re thinking, but don’t assume. A delicious cup of latte goodness lowers the speed of my spinning mind so that I may focus on whatever task is on my laptop. Caffeine reverses my anxiety, relaxes my insomnia.

-Beach…I could spit out an entire piece about how sand, ocean and a bonfire sunset temporarily makes my whole being feel belonged…oh wait, I did. Santa Monica.

-Thunderstorms and Rain…I am one of those odd humans that indulges in a perfectly gloomy day. 

-Books…a way of escaping my world and transporting into someone else’s. 

-Unknown…the fuzzy dreams and the blurred image of a future love ignites a comforting feeling.

-Freshness…This may sound crazy, but I love fresh sheets on my bed, fresh towels hanging up in my bathroom and fresh blankets to snuggle up with.

-Puppies…pretty self explanatory. 

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and that 2018 opens many dream filled opportunities for you. 

Love always, D

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Frozen Waves

We’re Broken People… -TOP

Photo box.. I have a photo box filled a few nick-nacks (i.e. i.d. bracelet worn as a kid, my 5th generation U2 ipod and a guardian angel necklace given to me by my great Aunt) and a grip of photos of my past. A true time capsule containing the best times and the worst times. These framed memories have me losing myself down memory lane. Reminiscing holidays, birthday parties, graduations, surgeries, school events and daily insanity. Every moment captured in these hand held capsules. A happy grin has slipped onto my face along with spouts of laughter. Between my siblings and I, we we’re all adorable chaos instigators. Truly never a dull moment at the Sabo house.

I heard that pictures don’t change, just the people inside of ’em do… -NF

Mixed into this beautiful stack of frozen photos, these frozen waves, are captured moments were my smile seems genuine, but is actually just a frustrated frown turned upside down. My teenage self was a bullied soul who was losing her way. Looking at my younger image I can see it now. I can see how fast I was slipping. I can now see the pain hidden behind that fake smile, the retracted tears hidden deep in those hazel eyes and the fresh bleeding wounds pre scarring stage within that beautiful mind. I can see every suicidal crack.

Looking at these frozen photos has rippled a few tears down my cheeks. These tears are no longer painful or regretful, but joyful in a sense. These few tears are tiny drops of inspiration. Looking back then and now looking at my present reflection in the mirror causes one single thought to swirl through my scarred cerebral… “Damn, I survived. I’m still here.”

I am passing along a Double Dare to all of you… No matter what you’ve gone through, take the simple fact that you’re still here as a huge accomplishment. No matter what you may currently be going through, know this, you will survive. You will push through the dark and find that light at the end of the tunnel. You have an unknown strength that will keep you going. Never give up. We all have a purpose and it’s never too late to find it and make it a reality. This thing we call life isn’t easy, by any means. But, it’s so worth living every minute of it, even those gnawing bad minutes. Our past makes us strong for our future.

One night and one more time, thanks for the memories even they weren’t so great… -FOB

Carreau2209

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Shadow 

3 years… 

3 years since we’ve seen one another, 3 year since we’ve spoken to one another.

I think about you from time to time, reminiscing down memory lane. As I sit here writing a few new pieces Ghost of You begins to play on Spotify, you make an appearance in my head.

Mere kids when we met and mere minutes before we were best friends. You were the first boy to treat me like a person instead of a misfit. We’d hang out at each others houses, talk about anything & everything while listening to music. We’d go to the movies, get our grub on at Panda Express or In-n-Out and spend way too much time in Barnes & Nobles. 

We came from two different worlds yet ended up drowning in the same darkness. Life tore us apart and beat the shit out of us, opposite situations but the same blade that cut both of us. Your past became engraved on your wrists, mine on my neck, yet somehow we made it through.

The night at the carnival…the night chillin’ in my backyard…deep conversations at midnight over ice cold Bud Light Limes. No judgment was ever handed out, we were each others *person*. You knew things about me that no one else kne(o)w(s) and visa versa. We were each others vaults. 

You always protected me, had my back and made me feel like I actually belonged in this world, that I had a place here. You were my person.

You once told me that I was going to meet the love of my life, that I’d find true happiness. I didn’t believe you. You told me that you’d be happy yet sad for that day and when I enquired as to why you simply said, “because I’ll no longer be your person, he will.”

The day we said goodbye to each other hurt like hell, still does. But, I hated that your girlfriend put you in the position of choosing, her or your best friend. I know you tried to maintain the peace with her, but it became impossible and seeing the frustration on your face broke my heart. So I did what needed to be done, what you refused to do. You loved her and your happiness was everything to me, so I said goodbye. Hardest trigger I’ve ever had to pull, worst pain I’ve ever felt. 

You were going to be my *man oh honor* at my wedding, I was going to be your *best man* at yours. 

I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing, but I hope you’re beyond happy and now have the love and life that you deserve. 

Happy Birthday Shadow 💜 

Love, Skittles

“I saw your ghost tonight, the moment felt so real. If your eyes stay locked on mine, my wings might start to heal.” -Blink 182