Waves

A moment or two is what this soul of mine needs…

A helpful hint is what my mind searches for…

A dose of guidance is what my heart prays for…

The day has switched places with the night and the sun has sunken into the glowing atmosphere.

Hoodie on..crisp breeze kissing the goosebumps on my neck..the warm sands cooling down…

Eyes closed..deep breath..and listen…

Dear waves, help me out here. I need advice, I can’t shake this feeling let alone understand why this feeling ever came into existence. I’ve exhausted every idea as to how to let this feeling go, every lightbulb has burnt out trying to ignore this. A feeling that is unknown territory for my heart and mind. So, I ask waves…what do I do?

I just need a moment or two.

The softest echo could be enough for me to make it through… -Twenty One Pilots

A few A’s attached to a few Q’s

What do you like most about you?

Physically, I suppose I’d go with my eyes. I know how to fake a smile with mastery, but I’ve never been able to hide behind my eyes. They keep me in check in a way. I truly believe that they are the portals into our heart, soul and our past.

Characteristically, I would go with my personality. I’ve been told that I have a sweet and humorous personality, so, yeah.

What is the one country/state/city you want to visit this year?

Australia! I’ve always wanted to visit there. And yes, I want to hold a koala. Oh come on, like you don’t have the same life goal 😉

What is the one book you recommend everyone read?

Well, I’m reading (re-reading) The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, so that’s a book I’d recommend to anyone who hasn’t read it.

What is your favorite Disney Movie? And why?

The Nightmare Before Christmas. One, I’m a Tim Burton fan. Two, I resonate with Jack and his journey with finding where he belonged, with finding himself. And three, Jack and Sally are one top notch couple. Sally is always by Jack’s side, no matter what.

What is your favorite Marvel Movie? and Why?

Is it even possible to have just one single favorite marvel movie? Hmm, I guess I’ll go with Iron Man. Tony became part human, part robotic in a way through challenging circumstances. I know what that’s like in a way. He embraces the changes that curve through his life without ever giving up. I aim to do the same. Plus, let’s be real..we all want an Iron Man suit. It’s frickin badass! Forget worrying about traffic. I’d just fly right over it. Plus, Jarvis would be my right hand man, or right hand program. Lol

What would you do for free?

I’d write for free. Even though I have a book, I don’t get paid to blog. Even without a book, I’d still write. I’d also draw, cook and listen to anyone who needed to vent (which I do. Especially with my bro lol) My ears are yours. And my advice, only if wanted.

What three words would your best friend use to describe you?

Oh geez! I don’t know if she should be asked this question 😂 I’m hoping her three words would be: kind, witty and protective. But, her I and are both sarcastic, so I don’t know. 😅

Where would you rather be right now?

By far my favorite question. I’d rather be on a beach laying on the warm sand, listening to the crashing waves and soaking in those Vitamin-D rays. The beach has always been the one place where my monsters (doubts and fears) can’t get to me. It’s the only place that feels like home.

What is your favorite drink?

We all know that I love me a caramel latte. But, I also enjoy an ice cold peach tea or green tea with honey. I drink a V8 energy juice every morning. And yes, I’m a Dr. Pepper addict. I also like those Bai beverages. They’re pretty tasty.

What is your favorite country/state/city that you visited and why?

New York. It’s just so vibrant with life. The culture so diverse and exciting. Plus, I’m a foodie so there’s plenty of restaurants and farmers markets. I love the theater, Broadway!

What inspired you to start a blog?

I’m not the most open person, I need to have a sense of trust in someone in order to be able to actually open up. I have a tendency to keep a lot of things to myself, fear of having my own insecurities used against me. Blogging was a way for me to release my thoughts and begin to calm the traffic in my head. I never expect my blogs to be read, let alone liked or commented on. The whole writing process has kept my darkness at bay. It has aided in calming my cerebral storm.

Anytime I’m notified of a like, comment or follow…I feel as though a tiny piece of myself has been put back together. In the end, if my pain *past or present* helps someone out there feel less alone in their darkness, then ripping my stitches apart from my scars is worth it.

Say what you mean, tell me I’m right and let the sun rain down on me. Give me a sign, I wanna believe… -P!ATD

Shits and Giggles

So today’s writing prompt is to share 30 facts about yourself. Alrighty, down the rabbit hole we go then…

  1. I am 5’6″ with 2 toned eyes (green and hazel) and brunette hair with red & blonde highlights.
  2. I love horror movies, however I am terrified of clowns and porcelain dolls. Yet I’ll still go see movies like It and Annabelle. Nothing like scaring the shit out of one’s self. Yes I know I have a problem.
  3. Caffeine calms my ADD and anxiety, hence I am a bit of a coffee addict. 
  4. I listen to music everyday. I am a forever fan of FOB, TØP,  MGK, Blink 182 and Eminem. 
  5. I have become a fan of NF.
  6. I am the oldest of three…one bro, one sis
  7. I love dogs and giraffes…I love all animals but dogs and giraffes are my fav.
  8. My fav childhood movie is The Nightmare Before Christmas and my fav movie franchise is Fast & Furious.
  9. My fav directors are M. Night Shamylan, Tim Burton, Steven Spielberg and Joss Whedon.
  10. My fav author is CS Lewis.
  11. Currently reading: The Alienist, Gray, The Alchemist and Everyone’s an Aliebn when you’re an Aliebn Too.
  12. My fav color is purple.
  13. I am stoked for the release of the Mania album.
  14. Fav 2017 moments: seeing family on the east coast for the holidays, release of my book Dear You, Fall Out boy concert at The Forum.
  15. I love rain and thunderstorms. It is currently raining here in Cali. 
  16. The beach feels like home.
  17. I pause life when the sun sets, I find it calming.
  18. I find the black star studded midnight sky inspiring.
  19. I had childhood nightmares…still have them every now and again.
  20. I love to cook and bake,  it’s my form of meditation. 
  21. I am a hopeless romantic deep down. My walls hide that part.
  22. I have three tattoos, soon to be four. They all have significant meaning.
  23. Fav establishments: Barnes & Nobles, Victoria Secret, Bath & Body Works, Starbucks, record shops, kitchen stores, restaurants.
  24. Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls & I Miss You by Blink 182, just listen, you’ll understand. 
  25. I go dark on Oct 15th…every year.
  26. My fav gaming systems are Nintendo and PlayStation. 
  27. Fav video game is Kingdom Hearts. 
  28. I am an introverted extrovert.
  29. I am a Scorpio. 
  30. I just listed facts about myself. I hope you enjoyed them.




Challenge Accepted 

So with the new year in full force mode I have decided to make a few goals, personal and career. While we begin 2018 with a fresh blank page. I still want to keep up on exercises that improve and maintain my writing skills. On Pinterest I found a 30 day writing challenge. Some blogs will be posted here on WordPress and others will be posted on my Society Rebel page. The topics listed for this challenge seem very positive. Which I was drawn to. My writing style lately has been more or less on the dim side, I figured that this tiny side journey might brighten things up.

First challenge is to list 10 things that make you happy…

– First and foremost, my family is my everything. These golden hearted humans keep my contentment in tact. Like Dom, I ain’t got friends..I’ve got family.

– A pen and notebook…These two vessels allow me an actual voice amongst a world of white static. My lips may not always obtain the capability of conveying the thoughts thundering in my head, but my jet black inked pen never fails.

– Music…there are moments where this ticking ticker of mine need those therapeutic drum beats to calm it’s scars. There are moments where my mechanical mind need those quickly spun lyrics to aid in silencing my screaming thoughts. Lastly, there are those moments where a combo deal is all i need to soothe my questioning soul.

– Coffee…I know what you’re thinking, but don’t assume. A delicious cup of latte goodness lowers the speed of my spinning mind so that I may focus on whatever task is on my laptop. Caffeine reverses my anxiety, relaxes my insomnia.

-Beach…I could spit out an entire piece about how sand, ocean and a bonfire sunset temporarily makes my whole being feel belonged…oh wait, I did. Santa Monica.

-Thunderstorms and Rain…I am one of those odd humans that indulges in a perfectly gloomy day. 

-Books…a way of escaping my world and transporting into someone else’s. 

-Unknown…the fuzzy dreams and the blurred image of a future love ignites a comforting feeling.

-Freshness…This may sound crazy, but I love fresh sheets on my bed, fresh towels hanging up in my bathroom and fresh blankets to snuggle up with.

-Puppies…pretty self explanatory. 

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and that 2018 opens many dream filled opportunities for you. 

Love always, D

Sandcastle

Now I don’t know about you, but for me the beach is my sanctuary. It is the one place on this planet where the storm within calms and every scar temporarily vanishes. Every crack is filled with gold, once again I feel completely whole. 

From sunrise to well after sunset my soul soaks in sand and ocean. As the bonfire sparks spiral up into the black star studded sky, my ears concentrate on the crashing waves allowing my lungs to breathe.

Tonight my body is in beach mode, however my mind remains in the real world, distracted and conflicted. 

I feel like a sandcastle that is one wave away from being washed away.

They say it’s what you make, I say its up to fate… -Imagine Dragons

Automatic Overdrive

Up until about ten minutes ago I had no idea what Tonight’s blog topic would be about. I knew that I had to think of something, missing a day with the mission that I’ve set upon would mean that I had failed. Not an option.. the thought of not knowing what to type about led to the thought that I feel like I always have to be “on”, which can be exhausting. This tiresome thought bubble consequently turned on a light bulb.

Are you someone who feels as though you have to always be “On”… whether it’s for your family, friends, career and everything else that’s iced into your life?

I do…. and if I may honestly vent for a moment, there are times when I jokingly tell people that I’m going to become incognito for two weeks. You wont know where I am, but for two weeks I will be hidden and unplugged. The joking tone has underlying seriousness.

I love a girls weekend… family trips… spending my free time with my squad, but there are times where I just want to have a solo dose in my Fortress of Solitude. Time with just me, myself and I. Time to recoup, relax and regroup. Time to gather my thoughts and focus on what I need, instead of what everyone’s else’s needs.

Hell, I’m going to upgrade the level of honesty and say that once in a while I even need a private moment to scream or cry out all of the feelings that I tend to burry. A moment where I can place down my guard without the vulnerability card being played.

Once in a while I just want, even need, to be “off”.  Do you ever feel like that?

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