** The piece below is the opening to my current wip Slumberland. I hope you enjoy. **
Here I stand…
I’ve stood in this exact spot, in this exact place before…many times…
This place is always disturbingly comforting in a peculiar way…this place has been my little slice of subconscious doom since ’95…this place is all my own (with the exception of one particular visitor that somehow stumbled in)…
These woods, a vision pulled from a Hitchcock film, holds my past intertwined within the roots of every hauntingly beautiful tree…
An above sky shaded a midnight black with doom n’ gloom clouds spread across its infinite horizon and luminous diamonds sporadically studded…a brain freeze breeze swirls throughout causing every goosebump to run up my spine…
The various growling echoes stirring behind the deeply hidden gutters are where the disabled demons resise, they bite the edges of my ears…the fear from these demons nearly diminished, yet a sting still exists…
I stand here, my feet at the edge of this freshly dug grave…the smell of a fresh storm builds, I pull the hood over my head and begin…
In goes every scar that clouded my mind..This permanent bruise on my back given to me from the biggest mistake in life, yeah that goes in next. Now it’s time to rip off the invisible mark of shame that had it’s claws dug into the small scar on my neck and the scar on my forearm hidden underneath this ink…
Every societal bullet has been pulled from my chest and tossed in, one by one, the soft klank is so satisfying…the confusion from the unanswered question marks attached to my biological father have been burned, this can holding those ashes, in it goes…
Every moment captured on Polaroid of being bent, cracked and broken all tossed in…
Now, a deep chilled breath and strike this match, for a second I stare at the tiny flame dancing on the tip, I can hear Death Valley by Fall Out Boy playing in the background…
I close my forest green eyes, make one final wish and drop the match…the flames growing instantaneously, as I open my eyes a neon black ring surrounds these forest green irises, the same neon black surrounds the glowing teal flame that resides in the center of my ribcage…
Witnessing every ounce of past pain burn, this moment is medical. My lungs fill with refreshing oxygen and this weight lifted more with each joyful tear…
Thunder begins to roll in as the sky also begins to sprinkle..Time to go, I know I’ll be back, the dreams always pull me back…
Tucking the 22 glock into my back pocket and grabbing the Louisville slugger, I begin to make my way to the place where yellow surrounds, that place is where I find subconscious peace…My heart, in all of it’s titanium gears and gold stitched glory now beating on my sleeve…
These woods and I will always be connected…11 plays Hide-and-seek with the glowing fairies, Swift keeping guard, making sure that the wolves stay at bay deep within the foggy shadows… 17 rests peacefully under the giant oak tree…She was a tough soul, just not as tough as this world… 22 holding the entire fort down, machete strapped to her back, she protects 11, 17 and every dream that was conjured from this nightmarish scene. Yeah, I’ll be back, the connection to these stormy skied woods always brings me back sooner or later…
Before my alarm goes off, before I take the last train out of here, I take one last glance back, one last glance at all of the Polaroids pinned to every tree branch, polaroids of every dream and nightmare that have stolen my nights since ’95…
These dreams…these woods…this place…it’s my upside down…
This is my Slumberland.
“I’ll be here waiting, I promise I’m changing, I just need time…” -NF
