blog, blogger, blogging, creativewriting, life, mental health, writer, writing

Tested

Between you and me, I feel like the universe is testing me, that it’s been testing me since the beginning of the year.

More times than not I have been the person to “bite my tongue”, “let things go” or tell myself that “it wasn’t meant to be”. I’ve shuffled through these excuses for one reason or another.

Moments were because my confidence wasn’t fully built up, so standing up to certain people such as family members or critics was always a bit nerve wracking.

Moments where I told myself that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t deserve success or any type of positive recognition.

I mean, who am I to think that what I have to say has substance, that I can make a difference in this world.

When 2018 spiraled in I made a decision to make a few much needed changes in order to maintain my sanity. While my physical health is important to me, my mental health is even more important. So, I decided to flush out the toxicity surrounding my life. Social media platforms were detoxified, then certain people that I have refrained from standing up to were stood up to (damn it felt good).

Lately, career choices were made that I’ll admit I was apprehensive about making, however, in the long run cutting ties was best.

As for Love and I, well, I keep trying to detach myself. So far my efforts have failed, every time I think that my brain has deleted his image something occurs that causes my thoughts to repay attention, such as a song. Every time I think my heart has been successfully stifled, these dreams steal my insomniac hours. I don’t know what to do in this area of life…

In some form or another, the universe is testing me.

I can’t believe how much I hate pressures of a new place roll my way… -Twenty One Pilots

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