Lone Wolf

Do you do well being alone…?

I do better being alone, or so I thought. See, after my last relationship I convinced myself that I was meant to be single, that I was better off being alone. I’ll admit that being alone hurts like hell, but I brainwashed myself into believing that this pain in my heart was worth feeling over the pain of another breaking my heart. And honestly, in a twisted way, I was okay with that.

However, a few months ago a friend made a comment that shook my clouded outlook.

“I love you girl, but you need to be told this…you don’t do well alone. I know you’ve convinced yourself that you’re okay solo, but you’re not. You’re someone who is meant to find your better half, to have that cheesy happily ever after love. This whole “lone wolf” road you’re going down is internally killing you.”

Her comment hit kinda hard, but in a positive way. If nothing else I know when I’m wrong, it doesn’t happen too often, but I have no problem admitting it. The fear of taking that vulnerable leap again is what has allowed me to continually trick my mind into believing I was meant to be alone. The self inflicted pain in my heart, well that wasn’t and isn’t as easy to ignore.

Finding that “someone” is scary enough, but to find someone who will love and protect all of you, including the broken pieces, is down right terrifying. Especially if you’ve been twice burned.

All of me believes that my friend is right, but I can’t help but wonder if I missed out on my chance at love due to being that lone wolf.

Better off alone…foolish thinking.

And when I fall to rise with stardust in my eyes
In the backbone of night, I’m combustible
Dust in the fire when I can’t sleep a wink, I’m too tired…-P!ATD

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