Could You….

There are scars that run deep within my body and mind, most of their stitched pasts have healed. However, a few mental scars have a tendency to pulsate during the 3am skies causing me to crawl out of bed, turn the laptop on and write in a distracted zone while eating coffee ice cream. Could You love me knowing this…?

These verbal skills of mine are still a work in progress when it comes to expressing certain emotions. I may not always say the right thing, my tongue may become twisted and tied, I may become quiet, but between my writing skills, my actions and these hazel eyes of mine I say it all. Could You love me knowing this…?

When a favorite band of mine releases new music, I will play that lyrical magic on a loop for the first week if it’s release. Lyrics will be enscribed into my brain and the drum beats pumped into my heart as I’m online purchasing concert tickets. Yes, I will be humming tunes and singing aloud around the house and in the car. Could You love me knowing this…?

Help, a four letter word that I am not very good at using or accepting. Yes, I have a stubborn streak. It is tiny, but deeply cemented as I’ve been told by my family. I will go through every plan in the alphabet before asking for help. This isn’t because I think that I’m the best or above assistance, I’m just independent and, well, stubborn. Again, a work in progress. Could You love me knowing this…?

This personality of mine is kind, humble and humorous with a dash of wit and sarcasm. Those two little monsters have a tendency to pop out at the wrong times, well the wit at least. The sarcasm makes it’s appearance when I’m stressed. Could You love me knowing this…?

Walls? Yep, I’ve got them and they are reinforced. I’ve fallen away too many times, these walls are needed. You’ll need to have a little understanding and patience while my trust towards you is being built. I may slightly pull away in the beginning, but eventually those walls will crumble. Could You love me knowing this…?

There will be times when I won’t want to talk about the thoughts thundering inside this cerebral storm of mine. But, I don’t want to be left alone. Would you just hold me in the silence until my words are organized enough to say out loud? Could You love me knowing this…?

My rare disorder has forced decisions to be made years before needed. While I am one who is all about communication and mutual decision making, working together and even compromising when need be, there are two decisions that I have set in stone. Could You love me knowing this…?

I’m all about family and friends, spending all day and night at the beach, becoming lost in a bookstore and a movie marathon during gloomy days. I pump up Eminem’s beat when I’m cooking in the kitchen and like to watch scary movies with all of the lights out ( even movies with clowns and porcelain dolls. Yep, there will be nightmares of those two creatures chasing me.). The holidays are my favorite time of the year and if I’m not at Starbucks then I might be at Victoria Secrets. I love to go out just as much as I love to stay in. Could You love me knowing this…?

I don’t give two shits what anyone says or thinks of me. I ignore a lot. However, if anyone I love is being bad mouthed by anyone I will verbally dropkick them. I am a little feisty. Could You love me knowing this…?

My thoughts run deep, my scars deeper and my love deepest. Could You love me knowing this…?

I shout, I swear, I get angry, I get scared
I fall, I break, I mess up, I make mistakes
But if you can’t take me at my worst
You don’t deserve me at my best…MGK

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