Detox just to Retox

12;17am… the major rain storm has officially rolled in, the sound of Spring’s downpour carries a calming effect that my eyes fall in love with every time. No ambient sounds are buzzing during this midnight hour. The storm caused all of the crickets to silence their songs. The storm has hushed nature’s night life.

12:24am… the headphones have been placed atop my sleepless head, Spotify opens and the 5 minutes playlist has been selected. Certain songs are being skipped over for they have a way of pulling at my heart strings while releasing a small stream of stubborn tears. Tonight my ear drums won’t be soaking in Space Bound by Eminem or Unsteady by X-Ambassadors. Those memories will not resurface tonight. Instead they will detox to Believer by Imagine Dragons and then retox to Church by Fall Out Boy.

If you were church I’d get on my knees, confess my love, I’d know where to be… -FOB

12:57…these buzzing thoughts in my mind are beginning to softly overbare their noise against these therapeutic lyrics, so now the pen and notebook make their debut. My mind won’t let go of these x’s and o’s thoughts. These thoughts detox with the image of Jamie’s infamous speech at the end of Love and Other Drugs, hopeful words that cause this distracting dream of one day finding a guy who will see me for me, someone who will notice my heart, my soul, someone who’ll look past my outer shell. Then within a single breath my mind will retox back to reality with the aid of the heartbreaking scene from Wonder when Auggi tearfully asks his mom, “When will the staring and hurtful comments stop? Is anyone ever going to see me for me?”. Questions I used to constantly ask my young self, questions my grown self sometimes loses sleep over. PS. Love and Other Drugs, Wonder and Collateral Beauty…all movies I have to watch by myself because they make me cry. Every time.

1:27am… all of this detoxification and reroxification has somehow made me hungry… coffee ice cream it is .

1:31am… Hold Me Tight or Don’t begins to play and my heart begins to retox once again.

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