Drowning Beautifully

You entered my dreams last night, a very unwelcome visitor is what you portrayed. My family, friends and kind strangers haven’t been a component of my twisted dreams for a few months now and that’s how I intend to keep it. But, last night…there you were in all of your manipulating charm. Those deceiving eyes matching that damned grin on your smug face. First subconscious glimpse of you brought a tight knot in the center of my gut while every bolt reinforced throughout my walls.

Alone, sitting in the center of my woods…a perfectly gloomy fog hovered over a slightly frozen breeze. Under my favorite tree I sat, notebook and pen in hand, headphones vibrating Home by Eminem and hood covering my spinning head as a subtly mysterious mist swirled through these childhood woods. Once a place I feared now feels more like home than reality.

In a bubble of contentment I sat, black scribbles spilling out on those blue lines, Crashed inspiration lighting every bulb in this mechanical mind of mine. This dream was the best I had had in a very long time. No monsters from under my bed…no blue plasma dripping out from past scars…no looped inception or golden hearts to guard. Just me, my scars and therapeutic lyrics. That was until you…..

Every time I feel as though every piece of me is exempt from every piece of you an unwanted memory seeps into my world. A message here, a message there….all I want is you to permanently vanish. Hell, as bad as this sounds, I wish you’d just find another woman to ruin. It has been seven years come May since I escaped your toxic grip, a place I’ll never return to.

I do not yet know why you entered my subliminal world, but you best leave. This warning isn’t to allow you a chance to find safety, this is me not wanting to transform into that past unfamiliar shape I was when I was in your company. My woods have been calm chaos, do not cause a shift in my contentment. Please leave and take this knot in my stomach and toxic blood in my veins with you.

It has been some time since I’ve woken in a shaken cold sweat.

This is my world…You’re no longer welcome.

“I’m dying to breathe and all you do is strangle me…” _Eminem ft. Skylar Grey


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