I’m not even quite sure how to start this blog or where the flow of it will go. Maybe that’s a good thing though, we all have those moments in life where we’re not sure how to begin or where we’ll end up. Sometimes life can’t be planned out or organized, sometimes you’ve just got to go with the flow.
However, these days I feel more like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole. Endlessly Falling, waiting for my feet to touch the ground. By day I’m living a life I love, becoming the person I want to be (personally and professionally). I just wish this feeling of pure contentment would stay even after the sun has set. But, it doesn’t. As the midnight sky soaks in, my thought morph from encouraging to darkness. Every night equals another stab at my confidence, slowly and unnecessarily murdering it. This destruction of confidence doesn’t lie within my professional piece, but rather a small section of my personal piece.
With every test this life has thrown at me, I’ve never given up. Moments of defeat have inched their way extremely close, but never has my hand waived that white flag. Until…
Well, until right about now. I haven’t yet allowed defeat to win, but that flag is grasped in my hand and my eyes are sadly staring at it. My mind is pulling overtime in trying to convince me that my “happily ever after” dream needs to die. My heart screams at me to keep fighting, that all of this pain residing in my chest is for a reason.
I have never given up on anything. I have always continued to fight, even when I didn’t want to. Something buried deep down inside of my soul kept me going. But, my hands won’t release their grip on this flag and my eyes won’t stop releasing these invisible tears. I’m not sure what to do. For the first time, I am honestly thinking I may just waive this damn flag high in the air and swallow this sour defeat. Maybe, all this time I’ve been fighting for something I was never meant to have.
“Now tell me: how did all my dreams turn to nightmares? How did I lose it when I was right there? Now I’m so far that it feels like it’s all gone to pieces. Tell me why the world never fights fair. I’m trying to find…home…” -MGK