These Santa Ana winds are howling, whipping through tree branches at bone chilling speeds. Every branch, every street sign shaking as though in the midst of an earthquake. Tonight’s breeze is eerily warm as if it were summer, but here we are in the latter part of October. This midnight hour is suspicious and my whole body feels off. This pain in my chest resides in the core, it sends out electrical shocks through my veins. Each burst of electricity is breaking down these porcelain bones of mine. This pain I feel is like no other.
when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive… -Goo Goo Dolls
I can feel this pain so intensely that I think I’m about to fall away. My tiny veins are tearing, blue plasma is slowly draining, cell by cell. My ribcage has been butterflied open and each rib is cracking, each crack buzzes in my eardrums. My heart is ripping, stitch by stitch, scar by scar. And these streams of 2 am tears are flooding down my cheeks. These shocks…these rips and tears…these bone breaking cracks, it’s happening in a slow motion manner. I can feel everything, like I’m in surgery, wide awake and without the morphine. It is, however, becoming harder and harder to hide this pain I feel, my skin is beginning to fade and this internal war is revealing itself.
A smile and laughter are conjured up to deceive your distracted eyes. This façade you will always see for this is my burden to bare, not yours. So, by daylight I’ll appear content. Only the midnight hour and I will witness as I slowly yet intensely fall away.
found another victim, but no one’s gonna find Mrs. Jackson… -Panic! at the Disco
