Memories and Previews

Today was just your typical Friday that consisted of writing, editing and running errands. You know, just living that adult life. Around two this afternoon I had lunch with my Ma’. As we were ordering food my mind was somewhat redirected towards the adorable little girl in the booth behind me. She was singing about how hungry she was and that she was going to eat her lunch all up when it got to their table. Cutest five year old girl out to lunch with her Dad. My Ma’ and I both got a kick out of it. My Ma’ then looks at me and says, “remind you of anyone?”. I knew who she was referring too, I just grinned at her and changed the subject.

This made me think of you, my ghost self, the Derra I used to be before the world swallowed me and chomped down. I find myself catching a glance of your memory every now and again. You were so free, so open and your sky was filled with endless cotton candy dreams. The world was beautifully techni-color, darkness was unimaginable. If only I could for see what our crystal ball was trying to reveal, the fog was swirling too thickly though. If only I could have been able to prepare you for the storms that you were going to endure, perhaps your survival rate would’ve been probable instead of impossible.

We’re Broken People… – Twenty One Pilots

The night I dug your grave was one of the worst nights of my life. Placing your coffin six feet under, shoveling the rain drenched soil over you: like I was tucking you into your eternal bed as I placed a bouquet of white and black roses near your headstone. I said a silent prayer ensuring your ghost that no harm would ever come to you again. “Sleep well my love”, were my last words to you as I faded into the thunderstorm.

Can you save…can you save my…can you save my heavy dirty soul… – Twenty One Pilots

I promised you that I would keep our heart that I ripped from your cold motionless ribcage well hidden and safe. That I would only allow one Prince Charming to have it, that I would ensure he could be trusted, that he was our safe place. I haven’t yet found him, but our heart is well hidden so rest peacefully.

Release me from the present, I’m obsessing all these questions, why I’m in denial that they tried the suicidal session. please use discretion when you’re messin’ with the message man… -Twenty One Pilots

Since that fateful night, since the heartbreaking events that occurred under the full luminous moon, I have been the guarded solider you needed me to be, that I needed to be. The hood protects my thoughts…the headphones guard our heart from darkness…the tattoos are the markings of our collective journeys and this pen is my shiv/ shell.

If I can live through this, I can do anything… – Fall Out Boy

Today was just a typical Friday, that is until the memories of you popped into my line of sight and my previews buzzed inside my veins. Memories and previews, you gotta love ’em.


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