Mind Trick

Wide awake…thoughts buzzing…a light bulb flickers. It’s time to temporarily break an old promise. It’s been years since I’ve performed my little trick, but I find myself drawing a neon blank as to what to do, so this banned plan will have to do. I’m not even sure it will work, it has been quite a long time since I last did what I’m about to do…you never know…here we go…

Eyes stubbornly closed and laying still. Slowly, deeply breathing in and out as I go back to the place I hate.

Concentrate…go back to the room with the white washed walls…

Go back to that room where the air has that all too familiar medical grade bleach scent that permeates throughout…

Go back to that room where you’re laying under those blinding lights, where you’re hooked to machines that continually *beep*, reminding you that you’re alive…

Go back to that room where *Don’t worry, everything will be fine* is repeated in a reassuring occurrence. Where the anesthesiologist slowly places that silicone mask over your nose and mouth…slowly breathe in the drugs and count backwards from Ten…

10… The blue scrub voices buzz, their masked images blur.

9… You quickly pray in your head that you wake up when this is all done and over. The fear doesn’t reside in the fact that you’re once again in the hospital, it resides in that extremely improbable chance that you won’t wake up.

8… The numbness rushes from toes to head. Your body feels weightless. Your eyes stubbornly close.

7… 7… 

See…If I lay still and concentrate, I can knock myself out. This trick of mine only lasts for about 5 to 10 minutes before I wake back up. And yes, I always wake back up. 

Slowly, deeply breathe in and out…concentrate

Just sleep…the hardest part is letting go of your dreams… -My Chemical Romance

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