At War with Love?

Every year, since I was sixteen, I have stood in the chilled night, gazed up at the black velvet sky and made the same wish at exactly 10:10pm…

On the brightest star I would wish to find true love. In thirty days I will once again find myself standing outside searching for the brightest star to make my yearly wish. However, I find myself in a very indecisive place…will I wish for what I truly want, what I’d give anything to have? Or, will I choose another wish, one that’s lower on my list. Maybe I’ll just omit the whole *wish* tradition.

It’s becoming more and more challenging to keep my tight grasp on the faith I have. The spark that holds everything I’ve ever believed when it comes to love is starting to flicker. Continually I feed that spark with red love songs, teary eyed romantic movies and these dreams that I never asked for, but keep having. I’m running dangerously low on kindling though.

Rather than reassuring my heart that it’s path will cross with it’s soulmate, I am allowing my past demon to whisper hopeless nothings into my ears.

In a zombie state I now live, surviving on very little sleep. The forecast has gotten worse, I just want one night that has a stormless sky.

So here I am…deciding…every pro, every dark thought…

That 10:10pm wish will be here in a blink… Fight for love? Go to war with love? Tic…tic…tic…

I wish I couldn’t feel, I wish I couldn’t love, I wish that this didn’t have to hurt so much… – Lupe Fiasco

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