Carpe Vestri Somnia

“Carpe vestri Somnia” … Translation? “Seize your Nightmares”

Now whether you choose to take these words literally or metaphorically, one must agree that there is an intriguing power encoded within those words. 

“Nightmares”… ten alphabetical digits that have been stitched into my life since I was young…physical and mental. My nightmares have morphed themselves into many forms over the years. A heavy portion of my life was spent fearing those infamous monsters that resided in my head instead of under the bed. A few of those nightmares even came in human form, like life sized gremlins causing chaos. Due to the destruction they caused/ my defeat, I found myself only comforted when hidden in my dark corner.

At 15 my nightmares broke me… At 17 they nearly won as I stood in a shaken moment, knife to throat… At 22 they tested the waters once again leaving me filled with anger and at 26 they threw *below the belt” punches until I hit the ground. After the last storm I hid away, if I hadn’t then 17 would’ve become a sequel without an open ending. 

Within the aftermath I rebuilt myself and decided that if I was going to survive this beautiful thing called life then I needed to take back control. I handed these nightmares too much of me and they took even more. Time to turn the tables. 

Over the past few years a sense of contentment has entered my soul, creating a new mind set and a fresh pair of hazel irises that now see the Hi-Def beauty within the darkness …

I still have a nightmare once in a while and my anxiety still lurks about, waiting for the perfect unexpected moment to trigger. But, I quit telling myself that I wasn’t good enough to live, that I don’t deserve happiness or love (ok. I’m still working on that last one, always a work in progress right.). As a reminder to keep fighting ( for my family, friends, future love and even myself) I recently had my friend (who is an amazing tattoo artist) embed black ink into the under side of my arm (starting at the wrist and going halfway up). “Carpe vestri Somnia”. Under those words is a heartbeat line with the numbers 11, 17, 22, 2064. No these aren’t lottery 

Within the darkness I will continue to fight.

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