As much confidence that I have gained in myself over the past few years I am still very much a self doubter. It takes a bit of self coaching from my heart to convince my mind that I am in fact good enough to go after every available opportunity I have in life.
Honestly, I must admit that this is a feature I’ve become aggravated with and in a way I envy those who are naturally confident in themselves, as though they were born with that beautiful trait. I, myself was born a self destructor. I have mastered the craft of mentally abusing my brain into allowing my fears and doubts to overpower any confidence I have. The reason I hate this about myself to an exaggerated extent is because of how hard I worked to build the amount of confidence I currently have.
This is also a reason why I am a major music lover, a certain song helps to add an extra dose of adrenaline fueled confidence that enables me to shut my brain up and follow my gut. My poor gut, I need to stop doubting it so much, it has never let me down. Any fucked up moment I have had in my life is partially due to blocking out the wise wisdom my gut sends. The other portion comes from outside sources that I just simply have no control over, the only thing I can do is to deal with the cards that have been dealt in that current hand. That’s life though, a giant poker game. So learn when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.. and get yourself an invincible poker face, that’s essential.
Anyone else know where I’m coming from????