I Can’t Be Your Superman

Heartbreaks… my personal opinion, one of the worst experiences we go through. Seriously, the process that your heart, mind and body go through is edgy darkness. Especially if you are someone who has a difficult time opening up to people in the first place. Letting your guard down and allowing yourself to place your trust in a strange hand is scary as shit.

“I wasn’t lookin’ when I stumbled onto you, must’ve been fate but, so much is at stake…” -Eminem

Eyes connect while spontaneous smiles exchange flirtations. Goosebump sensations prickle up and down as fingers intertwine. Midnight conversations had while sharing the delicious delicacies the fridge has to offer. Slowly, but surely walls start to fall away and those kissable thoughts you stopped allowing your mind to ponder long ago come flooding through. Before your glittered eyes can blink you’ve placed your trust in their mesmerizing eyes and your heart in their protective hands. Time spins on feeding this beautifully blind relationship. Happily ever after is now within grasping.

As a writer I find not only wisdom and inspiration from quotes, but also blinding visual truth. I also believe that if someone has already perfectly broken the mold then there’s no reason to try and spray paint over it. “Love is blind…” -Shakespeare

Sir Shakespeare knew exactly what he was talking about and rightfully so. The man was brilliant in his storytelling. Take Romeo and Juliet, one of the most beautiful love stories. Two hearts so in love yet they came from colliding worlds. Plans made so that they could be together and allow their love to grow, but fate stepped in (as it always does). A love that turned into a heartbreaking tragedy.

Feeling wrapped in love to only one day have it abruptly pulled from under you sucks. Pieces of your heart splatter like shrapnel as your body crashes on the ground. A shitfaced concoction of sadness, anger and tears drowns your mind. Anger towards the one who stepped on your heart quickly shifts to being angry at yourself for allowing that jackass entrance into your world. No time limit is stamped on your watch as to when you’ll get over your heartbreak. No agenda is passed out as to how one handles the pain or what distractions help ease the misery. It’s all personal preferences and it’s your job to call the time of death of that numbing pain.

Me personally, therapy sessions filled with junk food, horror movies, rap music deafening the thoughts in my head, hoodies displaying my “closed off” sign for the public and plenty of sand/ ocean dosages to calm the madness. Now I’m not saying that my own therapy cures a broken heart or fills up the empty “faith in love” tank. It does, however, put my mind back in it’s rightful place  so that I can once again rebuild my walls and upgrade my security system. Yes, my heart is protected by a steel case, not by choice though. Past relationships have forced me to due so. Is it lonely living a hidden life? Absolutely. It hurts like hell most nights. A difference lingers in the air though, the pain I feel in the darkness is self inflicted and believe it or not, the pain inflicted by others cuts deeper.

I wish on a birthday candle that someday I’ll find a kind soul hidden within a handsome gentleman, but even if I should cross paths with him that first step to “trusting” is a doosey. To be honest, the thought of someday taking that first step ignites and terrifies me all at once. Life shouldn’t be lived in a crippling state. As debilitating as it may seem, deep breaths need to be inhaled as you jump down Love’s rabbit hole.

 

“it’s over now, it’s too late to save our love, just promise me that you’ll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star….” -Eminem

Never let burnt bridges stop you from moving on and building anew. Love Derra ❤anime-girl-music-crying-headphone-art-retro-wallpaper

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