Hello gorgeous world ❤ How are you?
Recently a perplexing thought made itself very much present in my mind… What if someday light floods my dark place, illuminating my whole hidden past. Every scar and stitch revealed. What if the day comes were I no longer have that black reservoir to draw from when feeling the need to create written art. Inspirations comes from the world around me and my own personal world, which includes taking tiny pieces form my past and transforming them into thoughts displayed in various works.
“What am I gonna do when the rage is gone and the lights go out in the trailer park…”
Please make no mistake, I love my life. However, there sections of this life that were tested and broken, resulting in areas of permanent damage. That’s just how it is. The good news is that the golden memories definitely outweigh the blackened memories. Although, that small percentage very much packed a punch when they blasted into my teenage life. Like multiple asteroids crashing in and causing minor chaos and destruction.
Oddly enough I don’t mind that parts of my life completely sucked because its fueled a majority of my more serious blogs and my newest book. I take that darkness and use it to my advantage. You might be thinking to yourself that I am someone who lives in the past. I don’t, not one bit. I believe there is a difference between living in your past and using the past as lessons learned to better the future. I myself live for each day and what the future holds. The unknown fascinates me and terrifies me all at the same time. Its the best scare in the world.
But, a couple of weeks ago, while I was writing a blog, the song Guts over Fear played. What can I say, Eminem inspires me with every song he drops. If you’ve never heard this tune, it talks about being at a pinnacle point in ones life and where to go next. Living in a certain world for so long that you feel that there’s nowhere else for you to go. Also, that sometimes we may find ourselves in a creative rut. Recycling previously written material and morphing it into a new product.” Same old dog with new tricks” so to say.
“Feels like a close, its coming to. Fuck am I gonna do? Its too late to start over. This is the only thing I, thing I know…”
I’d rather take previous work and recreate them with new points of view than try to write a piece that I don’t care about. Creating something that doesn’t represent who I am is something ill never do. “Fake” is a trend I can’t and wont follow. I wonder though if the day will ever come were I will have tapped out that black reservoir, what would I write about. Would I venture into different territories in this field or maybe even perhaps find something new all together, leaving the only world I’ve ever known…
From the negative to the positive, I really do try to share a variety of my works and even step outside my comfort zone. Don’t ask me why I think of these things because honestly, I have no idea. Thoughts randomly pop into my mind every second of every day. This reason alone is why I write, it helps me to exit certain thoughts while filing others for different times. Chaotic organization and it works.
This may sound strange to you, but I hope my dark place stays fully stocked. Honest thoughts come from this place. Unfiltered and non sugar coated. This part keeps me grounded and pushes me back into line when I make mistakes. History repeating itself is a problem I don’t worry about.
I am what I am. What is that you may ask… I am a damaged spark living’ it up on misfit island who’s sole purpose is to create intertwined works of art that hopefully help and inspire those who are or have been in the same place I once was.
“The legend of the angry blonde lives on through you when I’m gone….”
Until next blog… Love Derra ❤