Hello gorgeous world, how are you?
I’m opening this blog topic with a question… When it comes to opening yourself up to people and the world around us, how open are you? Do you place yourself in the category that “wears their heart on their sleeve” OR would you place yourself in the category that has “all defense mechanisms locked and loaded”? Perhaps its possible that you’re somewhere in the middle… makes you think doesn’t it. I was recently jotting down topic ideas for upcoming blogs when the song “Goodbye” by Who is Fancy started playing. This catchy tune led my mind into reviewing past relationships, which led me to thinking about how I now look at any future relationships. Now this may sound kind of crazy, but all of this made me look at how open of a person I am. After a few hours of looking through my old notebooks that are filled with old poems, writing pieces and doodles I sketched, I came to the conclusion that I am a museum artifact.
I am beautifully displayed for all the world to view, however, I am encased in glass that has an invisible touch sensitive alarm embedded into the case. You can get close enough to study my frame and make you guesses as to what I’m trying to express, but not close enough to actually marvel at the inner workings of my scared ticker and chaotically organized mind. You see exactly what I want you to see through my writing and social media. Nothing more, yet nothing less. Only a certified squad has that necessary level of clearance to disable my alarm and remove the glass case.
I used to reside in the group that wore their hearts on their sleeves, but then life and I went ten rounds in the ring and I was defeated. So I unstitched my heart and categorized it as a museum artifact. While it stayed protected I rebuilt myself and the current view I once had about all other beating hearts.
I hate that I’m so closed off, that I constantly walk on egg shells, but it turns out that I was made to do so. I have become quite the master at being hidden in plain sight, its scary. At this point, I don’t think I know how not to. I wonder if they’ll ever be a day were I disable my alarm. Some days I feel so secluded, yet I’m buzzing around town with hundreds of other thought bubbles. I suppose you really can feel like a solo soul in a sea of many. Its a balancing act that’s not for the faint of heart.
Perhaps one day I’ll find a reason to de-case myself, but until then enjoy the outside view.
Until next blog…. Love Derra ❤