Derra… five letters stitched together creating my name… my label. As a kid I knew who I was and who I wanted to transform into as an adult. I was little miss artsy as a kid. Anything and everything that involved a creative mind and an enormous imagination. Painting, drawing, music, dance, movies, cooking, video games, reading and writing…. any form of art spun my world 360*, 24/7. Confidence resided in my mind and kindness exuded out of my heart, nothing could knock this optimistic nerd down. I was indestructible. Until….
“They say now… Teenagers scare the living’ shit out of me! They could care less as long as someone will bleed, so darken your clothes or strike a violent pose, maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me…”
Yep, good ol’ high school. The place where you either sell your soul to the popular group or end up with a defiant target tattooed on your back, branded as the prey. Its pretty much the whole “Dog eat Dog” world. At least this was the atmosphere at the high school I attended. Being a 5’4″ tall skinny pale white, freckle faced babydoll didn’t help my case to begin with. However, one of my defense mechanisms is that I’m a sponge. I soak in my environment and quickly so that I know how to survive in the wild wild west. I knew that if I was going to make it out alive there was one thing I had to do… blend into campus like the silent freak everyone sees, but never notices. The plan was set and the cogs were spinning flawlessly. All was perfectly aligned, I scampered from class to class, quietly taking notes and spitting out classwork like a boss. I’d grab my lunch (nothing like a deep fried bean, cheese and rice burrito with a Dr. pepper and reeses to refuel ones body and mind to finish out the rest of the day) and head to my next class. My Spanish teacher always had her class open during lunch for any student who needed to make up a test or needed tutoring. I’d munch on my snackage, study up on future assignments and wait for the actual class to begin. There were only two more periods after lunch, after gliding through those it was a quick dash to the bus and that sigh of relief that another day had successfully been accomplished. Oh yes, my ultimate invisibility plan was working like a charm. And then…. “Klink!”. A darn monkey wrench was thrown into the works and my world was now beginning to become screwed up left and right. I’m going to create an equation that will pretty much sum up the whole mess.. Sophomore year of high school, Driver’s Ed class and a particularly kind & cute guy who somehow noticed me in class + an extremely jealous girl who made me her target = a hurtful rumor and an emotionally damaged freckle faced girl.
Needless to say… those infamous teenage years can be rough. Its that “make it or brake it” stage in life that can unknowingly determine the outcome of what kind of human you’ll decide to become as you step out into society. We don’t always realize the damaging effects our young actions and immature words can imprint on those we inflict them on. The jokester thinks its all humorous antics and games while it leaves the opposite Person riddled with doubtful and mutated thoughts. Knocking out bits and pieces of them out. “sticks and stones may brake your bones, but my words will murder you…” in other words, play nice with one another on that crazy teenager playground. Enough with the unnecessary acts of bullying. Its all bullshit and you know it. Think before you open your mouth and take a moment to process and filter before you act out whatever little evil plan you’re concocting up.
It had taken me a very long time to find my missing pieces in what seemed like an endless lost & found, but eventually the “Derra puzzle was pieced back together. Sure, there a just a few bits still missing, but I’m leaving it up to my future to find those.
Who am I? Good question! I’m still that fun loving’ artsy nerdy girl (just older now 😉 )who loves to dance in the rain, have snowball fights and build snowmen in the marshmallow fluff, I see the world in prismatic colors, I’m calm and quiet while at the same time I’m witty… sarcastic and love adventures. I stay in and I go out. I love the color of thunder ( yes I know what I said. During thunderstorms the sky is a deep gray color… hence thunder being my one of my fav colors) I am who I am and the only approval needed is mine.
Be you(nique) and never lose bits and pieces of who you are to accommodate others. If they’re trying to change you into what they want, then they’re not appreciating you for you. And maybe you shouldn’t hang around those people. Always like and love somebody for who they are… all of who they are. The good n’ bad… the pretty n’ the zombie… their accomplishment and their failures…. their goals and errors… their dreams and their nightmares….. flaws and all baby! I am perfectly imperfect and its the only perfection I want.
What stitches your name together? What makes you… you?
Until next blog…. Love Derra ❤
P.S> stay in school, learn everything you can, become something awesome and soak in every amazing memory. 🙂