Grief… grief is one of those heavyweight words. Five letters that can push a person to completely brake down in unchartered territories. Its a chameleon, taking on many shades of the heart and mind. Some handle grief like a summers breeze, for some of us its like being on a grip clenching rollercoaster ride and for some its like riding on a Ferris wheel that keeps going round and round.
Grief is a card we’ve all been dealt in our hand and no matter how much we’d like to trade it in, we cant. This is life, not poker. Forms of grief depend on the situation at hand. Loss of a loved one, family member, friend. The end of a relationship, be it a rift between family members or friends, boyfriend/ girlfriend, fiancé or a marriage that has lost its way. Whatever form it comes in, grief is inevitable.
How we choose to deal with grief is a completely different menu. There are several different entrées to select from. Bitterness seems to be the number one seller these days. Pretending as though the person you lost isn’t phasing you and your world. Telling everyone that you’re fine while simultaneously lying to yourself. Making it known that the reason it isn’t braking your heart is because you’ve lost touch with them over what now seems like an idiotic mishappening. Neither party ever making amends and stitching back together their relationship before it was too late. Grudges bought and kept. Now only one remains to finish their journey in a “should of, could of, would of ” scene. Or, how about a helping of machoness. Its a big plate full of “I’m too strong and tough to show any type of sadness or depressing emotion”. If any sign of tears were to appear than I’m no longer strong. Processing through grief will make me weak.
How about a nice bowl of denile. Here we pretend that who ever we lost isn’t really gone and that the fact that our world is starting to crumble down is just an elaborate illusion. We swim like hell while we drown ourselves. Lastly, and this is the dish I tend to order, a platter of “Being pissed off”. I’ve dined on this particular dish one too many times. I’m not in any way proud of it, but I admit that this is a natural reaction when grief served at my table. When Cancer killed my Popee, I was mad at God for quite some time for allowing it to take his life. My Popee was the most kind hearted person walking this insane planet and he was taken too soon. I wasn’t ready to lose him, as selfish as it sounds. I know my Popee was in pain, both from the cancer and losing his wife just two months previous to the same killer that was now kidnapping him. I know that when he passed and white tunneled it to the great beyond, all the pain, suffering and heart brokenness were exiled from his heart. I know he is in a much better place than here, but like I said…I wasn’t ready. After he had passed I was so black hearted inside. I’m the kind of person who keeps all the hurricanes contained in my heart and mind while giving the rest of the world a fake smile show. And trust me, internal pissed off is much more worse than external. At least externally shown others can see your distress and help you through it. Internally, no one can help if they don’t know that your broken inside, especially if you are a master at the fake smile (like me). A two year road trip of grievance, going through old photos, an amazing reuniting in dreamland, one particular song and writing a book in his honor later is what it took for me to be ok. That was my healing process.
We all handle grief differently… grief isn’t a black and white emotion… just make sure that the outcome of how you played the grief card you were dealt doesn’t tear your whole life and everything in it apart. deal with grief, seek help, don’t ignore it, but at the same turn don’t allow it to consume you. You can’t always rebuild a burnt bridge.
I have a good friend who is also a fellow blogger. Monsie is a fabulous writer and has an inspiring perspective on the world of grief, sadness and depression. http://shesdigital.com/grief-its-ok-to-be-not-ok/ You should head over to her blog and show it some love. ❤ http://shesdigital.com/
Until next blog…. Love Derra ❤